10/03/2005

And so the Story goes...

Some of you read my last post about my advice to my teenage niece who's thinking about having sex for the first time. Well, over the weekend she called me, crying. Seems she told her boyfriend that she wasn't ready, she didn't want to make a mistake, she wanted to feel loved - but not at the price he was asking her to pay. Smart kid. She actually listened to what I had to say, which kind of floors me since I never had the smarts to listen to my elders when I was her age. As we talked, I told her how proud of her I was. She asked me a really hard question though, one I'm not sure I answered correctly, or even could answer correctly. She asked me why love hurts, why it feels good at first, then changes so drastically. Here's what I told her:

Love is like pumping your blood full of an illegal substance, the kind that makes you euphoric and makes you feel invincible. It makes you want to wrap yourself in it and let it consume you. It wears off, because it's like any drug, it's affects are only temporary. I'm not saying that love isn't wonderful, it is. I just think it takes years and years of living, to find the 'real' kind of love. The kind that doesn't judge you when you fail, the kind that isn't demanding, the kind that forgives you your mistakes because of love, not in spite of it. The kind of love that sometimes may not engulf you in it's prettiness, but comes on subtly. She sounded confused. She asked me if I'd ever found this type of love. I had, or at least I thought I did, many many times. I told her how I'd spent the better part of thirty years searching for that someone that made my heart flutter. That someone I would go to sleep dreaming of, and wake up longing for. It's amazing how many someone's seemed to fill that role. I told her how they all missed one important element. They all failed to make me happy. I had promises of love, I had the "I think I'm falling in love with you" guys...and one day I woke up and realized that I had it all wrong. No one would ever make me happy, that was one job only I could fulfill. "Then how did you eventually find it, the real love," she asked. "I stopped searching," I replied. It's something that only a grown up can figure out, not that I'm insulting the wonderful power of being young, it's just that being young = being naive. One thing I've learned, you have to have the heartbreaks, the pain, the loneliness, because it's the only way you will ever realize that being loved, starts with yourself. "It sounds cheesey," she said. "It is," I replied. "It's also the single hardest thing you will ever do in your life." "The single most important too," she replied. I could only agree.

8 Comments:

  1. Sky said...
    "thirty years searching for that someone that made my heart flutter. That someone I would go to sleep dreaming of, and wake up longing for. It's amazing how many someone's seemed to fill that role"

    Fits me to a T!!!! Very good advice! The only thing is most of us know all those things that you speak of and don't live it.
    Networkchic said...
    That is so true...I guess saying it is much easier than living it.
    NewYorkMoments said...
    I'm so glad she listened to you! She's a smart chick.

    But...LOVE? It's all hormones...That euphoric stage. It's not real. I believe in l*st and in deep admiration/respect/caring. Two different things. I think that one can only hope to find someone they can l*st after in the beginning who is and will continue to be the same person that they can admire/respect/care for.
    k o w said...
    You and she handled that extremely well. Good for her.
    laurenbove said...
    Excellent advice. I'm proud of her.
    k said...
    Cheers to you! Awesome advice once again... and you're so totally right on with the fact that learning to love starts with yourself... and it's the hardest thing you'll ever do... and the most important.

    Your posts are so enlightening. Thanks :)
    ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...
    Thanks for linking me to your blog.

    Your insight into love is very interesting. I think we all go through those giddy "in love with the IDEA of love" phases. It's nice that you are able to discuss openly with your niece sound advice and have her trust you enough to listen. Not everyone in her age range is lucky enough to have an understanding role model. :-)
    Kate said...
    This is a very nice blog. I have been looking for teenage love advice articles such as http://single-dating-service.org

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