10/18/2005

Kissy Kissy


Do you remember your first kiss? Apparently my daughter got hers yesterday at play group. He really man handled her..don't you think? Looks like I'm going to have to teach her to keep those boys in line.

I remember my first kiss. I was in second grade and there was this boy named Robert in my class. He was mean. He used to grab a hold of me on the playground and pull my hair or punch me in the arm. I really liked him. One day just before lunch bell rang we were outside under the jungle gym and my friend Stacey told me Robert smelled. "No he doesn't," I yelled. "He smells and his mommy dresses him funny," she exclaimed. Come on now, we all wore uniforms to school so how funny could his mama actually dress him? Ok, he did wear those funky rubber boots even when it wasn't raining but hey, he was eccentric. Anyway, we're outside and she's making fun of him, that is until he walks up behind her and hears what she's saying. The next thing I know he's grabbed her hair, swung her around and planted a kiss right on her lips. "Gross," she yells. Since I was one of those types that wanted to do everything first, I was quite upset. I ran over and punched Robert in the chest, pretty hard I might add. He actually started to cry....wimp. I see this big bull headed woman with a habit coming towards me, "Oh crap, it's Sister Leona," I yell. I knew I was in trouble, this nun really hated me. I ran over to Robert, he was still sobbing, and I kissed him full on the lips. I didn't stop until Sister Leona whacked me on the head with her prayer book. "Oh God, damn, that hurt." Uh Oh...now I was really in for it. She dragged me right to the principal's office, Sister Mary Ann. Let me tell you this....nuns have no compassion or understanding for a young girl's hormones, after all they did take a vow of celibacy...how awful is that? So I'm sitting there in her office and she wants to know what I did to make Robert cry, why I kissed a boy - that's a mortal sin you know, and where I learned to swear like that. So I told her, I punched Robert because he looked under my skirt, he saw my goods which according to my mom, makes us married - so then I kissed him. I learned to swear by spying on Sister Leona when she's in the boiler room with Father Michael. She's always saying "Oh God, Oh God, Damn that hurt." Apparently Father Michael saw Sister Leona's goods - so she punched him.

16 Comments:

  1. NewYorkMoments said...
    Ahhhh...Those whacky Catholic school antics ;-) I think that's EXACTLY why my father, who was force to attend Catholic school, refused to send us.
    check said...
    ROFLMAO!!!
    laurenbove said...
    Oh how precious. I think my son is like that little guy in the photo. He really loves the ladies.

    Last weekend we visited his cousins. The girl cousin fell off her chair and began to cry. Feeling deeply sorry for her, S my son, ran to her and gave her a hug. Then a kiss. THen another hug. His hug was warm as he rubbed her back up and down all the way to her butt. !!! I was mortified.

    It didn't last long but I did say "SORRY!" to my sister. She laughed as and told me I was in for trouble. I think she's right.
    WDKY said...
    NWC, tyoure so bad!!! I love the photo.
    TJ said...
    Kissing a boy, taking the Lord's name in vain, and lying to a nun all within 5 minutes?!? I'm surprised that you weren't excommunicated on the spot.

    My first kiss was with Melanie Babcock on the bus in kindergarten (yeah, I started young.)

    I later parlayed kissing girls into a sweet deal in junior high school. I forget why at the time, but for some reason I just kissed a girl right in the middle of an argument in the hallway one day. This caused such a stir that guys started paying me a buck to go up and kiss random girls out of the blue. And thus was born "The Kissing Bandit", whose reign of free love (well...$1 love)lasted for about two weeks until the principal nipped it in the bud. But getting paid money to kiss pretty girls was definitely a win/win situation.

    ahh, memories...
    Networkchic said...
    Oh TJ, now I see why you became a lawyer.
    TJ said...
    Some things are just innate--even now, I am not above planting a kiss right on a juror during closing arguments if it'll win the case...
    Sky said...
    TJ...hmm, can I be a juror?
    TJ said...
    "Your Honor--the defense votes for Juror #1 from Florida to be jury foreperson, and could the bailiff pass her my phone number...?"
    Caterpillar said...
    I love that picture, it's so precious!!! And also, what a great first kiss story - I like that you kissed him first, and only after making him cry :)
    k o w said...
    Nuns were the servants of Satan himself. I think I only had 2 nice nuns and they were both under 30 at the time when they taought me.
    k said...
    Of course you had to hit him first! You had to kiss him and make it better. Love the story! Omigawd.
    kimmyk said...
    My first kiss was behind a sheet draped in the basement while playing spin the bottle when I was about 12 years old. (same age as my daughter-ack!!!!) his name was Keith somethin or another. Haven't thought about him in years.
    That lil boy had a grip on your lil girl now didn't he? She needs to double up her fat lil fists and give 'em a good pop next time. LOL! But it was an adorable picture!
    Sky said...
    tj...

    "bailiff can you please pass my panties to the attorney"

    :)
    TJ said...
    "Your honor, I'm going to need a one-hour recess. Actually, make it two...

    And could the bailiff have a bottle of champagne and some whipped cream sent to the jury room?"
    ... jacek ... said...
    I was seven, she was six, and we were both performing in the opera. Mind you just kids on stage, nothing serious, but... I was seven. Beat that!

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