9/30/2005

I thought I had many many years before I had to explain the birds and the bees. I was wrong. My brother, who has been a single parent until recently, called to ask me if I'd explain sex to my niece. She's a teenager. She hates her step-mother so there really isn't any other woman in her life that can explain it to her. It's not that he waited until now to shed any light on sex, he bought her the appropriate books, she sat through sex-ed at school, he tried his best to explain where babies come from, but this is different. She's a teenager...did I say that already? She has a serious boyfriend (as serious as you can be at that age). He's a jock, he plays football, basketball, and baseball. He has pressure to be cool, therefore he wants to have sex. Isn't that funny how boys have sex to be cool and girls have sex to be loved? Messed up! Anyway, my brother would like me to explain how having sex too young is wrong, horrible, can screw up your life. I guess he thinks I'm some sort of expert on the subject. I can't say having sex so young screwed up my life but it did skewer my view on relationships for the better part of my life.

So, she calls me. I can tell she really doesn't want to talk about sex. She's like most teenagers, she thinks adults are idiots. I ask her point blank, "so your boyfriend wants to get in your pants?" "What," she exclaims. Oh sorry, I mean your boyfriend wants to 'make love' with you. "Yes auntie, he said he loves me and that it will bring us closer." I'm about to puke because memories are rushing back in my head...it would appear that after all these years the pick-up line is still the same. So what do I tell her, the truth. Boys, I mean men, I mean boys, will tell you just about anything they think you want to hear in order to 'get into your pants.' They will tell you they love you, that you're special, that they will wait until you are 'ready' (all bull of course). They'll try to make you believe that this love thing you have will last forever (knowing the whole time it will last about 5 mins.). They'll give you promise rings, and hold your hand, and kiss you, and hold you, all the while shoving that hard c*ock in your back so you don't forget that they are a "boy", a "man", and they have needs. Needs that incidentally must be filled by you, a "girl", a "woman". I'll tell her about how special that 'first time' will be. How he'll take you to his sister's 'mobile home', fill you with cheap booze, and tell you again how much he loves you. You'll lay on his sister's bed while she watches tv in the 'front' room and you'll 'do it'. He'll 'shhhhh' you while you yell "it hurts" and all the happy bliss will end in about 3 minutes. It will all be worth the life time of bad judgment calls you'll make every time you pick another guy who makes you feel responsible for his happiness. You'll go back to school thinking you're special, he'll go back to school telling everyone he's cool. You'll be labeled easy, he be labeled a 'stud'. It will all be worth it. It will be worth it when you wake up one day, twenty years later, while you are still laying next to some guy in the back room of his sister's trailer and he's telling you he loves you...only this time it will be you saying "shhhhh" because you'll finally realize that love, doesn't exist to those too young to understand it. Love, is never forever. Being special, is something you are not what someone makes you. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness, except your own. You'll realize all of these things, but it will be too late. The scars exist, the mistakes made, the choices, final. You'll leave that trailer, you won't look back. You'll go home, alone. You'll wonder why you can't pick the right kind of guy. Why love hurts. Why life is so damn hard. You'll remember, one time, a very long time ago, you asked your auntie about sex and love and life, she told you the truth, and you didn't listen. Next time you'll listen.

I told all of this to my niece, she sat in silence not knowing whether to believe that she could be me, I could be her, she could make a choice. She finally spoke, "auntie, did you really do it in the back of a mobile home?" "no," I reply, "it was a double-wide."

I wonder if she'll listen.

20 Comments:

  1. NewYorkMoments said...
    Of course she won't listen. We can only hope that she'll be smart enough not to get pregnant or a disease. That's all we can hope for.

    If she's really lucky, she'll end up like me, with no unwanted children, no diseases, and a complete and total misandrist.
    k o w said...
    Well it's true that we'll say anything at that age to trade in our V-Card. I never said "love" to a girl so I didn't get laid until I had a one night stand with a girl at a buddy's party when I was 17.
    But let's face it teens are going to boink no matter what they're told. Just keep drilling into her head the word "condom".
    ... jacek ... said...
    If teenagers listened, we wouldnt be as retarded a race of people as we are. Look, honest to god I hope your niece will make the right decision and tell this pre-frat frat boy to cool his roll.

    But she is a teen and chances are, she like most of her freinds and other girls in the school, america, world, will keep on making the same mistakes, and boys will be boys.

    Hope things do work out though.

    - el
    Networkchic said...
    You are so right elJ, I think not listening is why we're always so screwed up as adults. I hopes she listens too, if she doesn't, I'll have to hunt that lil' bastard down and make sure he knows the meaning of the word 'cool'.
    WDKY said...
    Wow. That was powerful, powerful stuff. I guess we've all got stories to tell, but the hard bit is managing to put all these experiences into a proper perspective as we meander our way through life.

    As for boys and girls, they're not so different these days, NWC. So far as I can see, anyway.
    sirreene said...
    it's so much easier being the aunt isn't it bitch. I mean NWC. You can say anything. Me, when my son got offered sex at 13, did I talk of love? the girl kept pressuring my poor boy, he really didn't want to give it up but...so we went shopping, we discussed all colors of condoms, which looks best in what type of lighting...which color goes best with her birth control and the whole time she's bangin' on the door...
    WDKY said...
    See. That's the boy/girl thing I was talking about. Dylan had it right, didn't he? "The times they are a changin'..."
    Networkchic said...
    I don't know if it's easier being the auntie. I can give her advice and if she doesn't follow it, I can't punish her. At least when it's my daughter, I can ground her until she's 40.
    Networkchic said...
    Oh and if I had a boy, I'd do the same thing as my mom did with my brother. When she found a box of condoms in his room, she made him give her the name of the girl's parents he was having sex with...and she called up her father. Needless to say, my brother stopped getting laid for awhile.
    sirreene said...
    I find it very convenient these days. If I run out of condoms I know where my son, Tree keeps his.
    k o w said...
    Hey what are family for sirreene?
    k said...
    Simple, to the point, *wonderful* post. I hope you don't mind that I'm gonna print it and give it to my Niece - who of course thinks that her mother & I are on different planets & can't POSSIBLY understand her. Unfortunately for her, she's already following in her Auntie's footsteps and has officially acquired her first "scum-sucking, bottom-feeding, worthless, oxygen-theif user boyfriend" but... they're in love... so I couldn't possibly understand. Hmmm... wonder if she'll feel the same way when her student loans and Pell Grants are gone and she still has tuition to pay.. but her boyfriend has new tires for his rig? Yup. We don't know anything.
    Networkchic said...
    Why oh why couldn't we know then what we know now? Must be God's cruel little trick!
    WDKY said...
    I was going to mail you today, and tell you that I really did think this was a good post. I can't, though :-(
    nukie310 said...
    Wow.
    That was really right on the money.
    I'm not even going to say a smart assed remark.
    Sky said...
    Very good post and brought back some memories for me. "You will if you love me". I actually waited until I was 19. I know, I know I am not the norm and I initiated it at 19...figured it was time!!! It was very romantic too. On my bedroom floor (didn't want the bed to squeak). My bedroom was next to my parents' room. Such a memorable 3 minutes.
    WDKY said...
    Three minutes? You chose well, Sky!
    k o w said...
    I don't think I've ever heard of someone having a perfect 1st time. Everyone seems to have some kind of negative opinion of it.

    Thoughts?
    NewYorkMoments said...
    First time? OUCH!
    Networkchic said...
    Well, you are right I've never heard of a perfect first time. I think the media builds it up and puts so much pressure on teenagers to make it special. Really when you are that young, you don't know what special really means.

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