10/26/2005
I work for lawyers. I develop customized applications that lawyers need/want. I don't like lawyers. I can almost say that of all the lawyers I know, which is a pretty high number, I like exactly 2. One of them is a government attorney so she gets paid less and works harder - it humbles her. The other one actually quit being a lawyer - because she couldn't stand lawyers, so of course I like her because...well, she's sane. Luckily I can do the duck and cover most days and avoid direct contact with the 'higher ups' but yesterday my luck ran out. I'm running across the street to our other building to catch a meeting that I'm already late for. After making it through security (which is ridiculous since 9-11) I make a mad dash for the elevators. I see one with the doors open and going up....I think to myself how lucky I am. Just as I make it to the doors and am about to step through, the doors start to close. I'm half way in the elevator, my foot is in between the doors and they're closing. I look up and see this guy pushing the 'close door' button furiously. "Excuse me, can I get on this elevator?" He doesn't answer, instead he keeps pushing the 'close door' button. Well I'm a bit of a stubborn lass so I refuse to move. I know I actually wasted more time than if I would have just stepped out of the way and waited for the next one, but I was pissed, and I'm Irish, and I have a temper. If you know anything about elevators you know that if the doors are open too long, an alarm goes off. So guess what happens next, "Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." The alarm is buzzing, which alerts security, which pisses the 'guy' on the elevator off, which makes me laugh (on the inside). Sometimes I love being difficult. So anyway, security comes over, "what seems to be the problem?" I'm debating on whether to answer them because really...who the hell are they? They get paid like $8 bucks an hour to stand at a security desk all day and look important. I'm not scared. They ask the guy on the inside of the elevator to step off, he refuses. The security guard asks him a little more forceful, "Sir, we need to you to step off the elevator." He replies, "No, I'm not stepping off the elevator - I have to be somewhere." Security guard answers, "Sir, if you don't step off the elevator I'm going to have to call in reinforcements." Ok so now I'm really laughing. Call in reinforcements, who, like ghost busters? Finally the 'guy' steps off the elevator and follows the security guard over to his little desk. They tell me to stay put and they'll be back to ask me a few questions. Oh Jesus....this is getting a bit melodramatic isn't it? So I stand there, already 20 mins late for my meeting that I'm supposed to be the host speaker, nice. I wait. I wait some more. I wait exactly 11 mins and 23 seconds. Mr. Security guard comes back. "Mam, did you know this man was an attorney?" "Um, I'm sorry, I forgot to look at his finger tips." "What do you mean you forgot to look at his finger tips." "Well see if I would have looked at his finger tips then I'd know he was an attorney by the calluses on the ends of them from pushing that pencil around all day." He doesn't laugh. Damn I thought it was funny. "Mam, this man is an attorney, he needs to be somewhere and you held him up by refusing to let the elevator go." "Well I have to be somewhere too," I reply. "Are you an attorney Mam?" "No, my God do I look like an attorney?" No reply. They then escort the 'guy' over to a 'private' elevator, one used for 'special' guests. After the 'guy' gets on his elevator and the doors close, they finally let me catch one of the 'common folk' elevators. By this point I can't decide if I'm boiling because I am so late for my meeting or if I'm a bit giddy from pissing off such an important figure of our community. I decide on giddy, it's much easier on the brain. I make it to the 55th floor, I sprint towards the meeting room, I peek inside to see if people are still waiting for me or if they've decided to leave. The room is full. I make my entrance and give my apologies, one of the attendees asks me what kept me. I reply, "I'm really sorry I'm late but the most amazing thing happened on the way up here this afternoon. "What," they all reply. "I met God on an elevator and he looks exactly the way I pictured Him to be."
The only difference between doctors and lawyers is, lawyers think their God, Doctors know they are. What a tough job to have.
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well, I'd like to think that I'm in the 1% minority of lawyers who aren't complete asshats. I worked in a government office for the first couple of years out of law school with low-pay but a rewarding job, and I didn't think of myself as "an attorney" either. I still don't. I'm more of an improv actor masquerading as a lawyer--I just love going to court and performing in front of a jury. I hate the legal paperwork bullshit and the macho posturing from the obnoxious blowhards.
can we still be friends...??? lol
I was hoping that the epilogue to your story was that the jerk from the elevator was going to be another guest speaker at your meeting...
NWC, I'm sure it's possible to be in law (or to be a surgeon, for that matter) and to be humble too - isn't it, tj?
I just hope one day when i grow up i'm as important as they think they are.
Like you, I wouldn't have let that asshat get the elevator door closed either. I was expecting him to be in the same meeting...too bad he wasn't. That could have made the story even more hilarious.
And even though I had been pretty successful in winning jury trials (more than some of the partners who were being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars), I was always seen in a lower caste because I wasn't in the top ten percent of my law school class. I didn't care how much they were paying me, that's not the person that I wanted to become in 5 years.
Unfortunately, I'm in law school now, and I look around at my classmates and can already see the ones who are half-way to losing their souls.