10/11/2005

When Life was Simple

My step dad has Alzheimer's. He told me the worst part of the disease is not knowing why you can't remember.

Do you remember being young? Remember when the biggest decision you had to make was what you wanted to wear for school or take for your lunch? I remember feeling so grown up when my mom finally let me stay out until the street lights went on. I remember being happy because I caught the ice cream truck after chasing it for two blocks. I remember when the only requirement to having a friend, was whether or not you had cool toys or a pool in your backyard. I remember learning to swim, and when I did, I knew I was invincible. I remember believing that the more my knees were skinned, the tougher people would think I was. I remember thinking that tree in my backyard was just about as tall as a sky scraper. I remember telling myself that if I could climb it, I'd be able to reach heaven. I remember digging holes, in hopes that I'd dig my way to China. I remember thinking once, I'd dug to China - and they were not very friendly. I remember mending my cats wounds after he'd been in a cat fight, and thinking that one day I'd be a veterinarian. I remember when blood didn't gross me out. I remember believing in Santa Claus and one time...I thought I saw him. I remember - thinking my parents were old and that they didn't know anything. I remember when I thought boys were gross. I remember when I thought boys were cool. I remember when I thought no boy could break my heart and then one did. I remember when I wished I could run away. I remember running away then coming home, and wishing I'd never left. I remember being young, not knowing what it was to feel old. I remember wishing I could be a grown up. I remember wishing that growing up, was easier. I remember thinking that I had grown up...then realizing I hadn't. Yesterday I remembered....and was thankful that I could....remember.

17 Comments:

  1. WDKY said...
    Sometimes, I like to try to look at the world through my children's eyes. Now and again, when I really manage to do it, it can be something of a time warp. I keep trying to tell them, like my Mum and Dad used to tell me, but by the time they realise what I'm talking about they'll be writing something like this themselves. I love the irony.
    Networkchic said...
    Yes it's ironic to say the least. To be young and naive again...not sure I'd wish it on my worst enemy.
    NewYorkMoments said...
    Hmmm...There are an awful lot of things I'm trying to forget.
    nukie310 said...
    I remember being beat everyday until I was old enough to live on the streets where I could sell my body for a couple of bucks.....(ahh, only kidding)
    k o w said...
    I remember the time when I could walk out on my front porch not having to worry about drive by's and drug dealers. My neighborhood changed overnight going from quiet and nice to utter chaos.
    check said...
    beautiful
    TJ said...
    Another great post. It brought a couple of memories back right away: some were fun ones (playing baseball, going to the pool, and fighting Nazis alongside my buddies with sticks and pinecones in the woods behind our neighborhood all summer) and some were bad ones (remembering that icy cold fear in the pit of my stomach when I had to tell my dad one week after I got my driver's license that I had put a 2-foot dent in the side of his new company car.)
    NML said...
    This was a really beautiful post which made me remember lots of things that I had forgotten about. I guess we take it for granted that we'll always remember. My illness affects my memory, admittedly most of it short term, but the great thing about having my blog is that is document my thoughts and feelings. It must be so hard for your stepfather. He's lucky to have you.
    Networkchic said...
    Thanks NML. It is hard for him and it's hard for me to watch him struggle to remember. We do take it for granted that we'll always have our memories, but we don't. Sometimes it's good to remember even if it's not always pleasant.
    Sky said...
    There are memories in my life I would like to forget but I can't fathom the idea of forgetting the memories I don't want to forget. Your post made me remember all those things you talked about..except of course not liking boys. I think I liked boys from the time I was born...lol. Such a horrible horrible thing not to be able to remember the little things.
    Sky said...
    There are memories in my life I would like to forget but I can't fathom the idea of forgetting the memories I don't want to forget. Your post made me remember all those things you talked about..except of course not liking boys. I think I liked boys from the time I was born...lol. Such a horrible horrible thing not to be able to remember the little things.
    Sky said...
    There are memories in my life I would like to forget but I can't fathom the idea of forgetting the memories I don't want to forget. Your post made me remember all those things you talked about..except of course not liking boys. I think I liked boys from the time I was born...lol. Such a horrible horrible thing not to be able to remember the little things.
    Sky said...
    Dang, could it have posted it anymore times?
    k said...
    Wow, great post. We take so many things in our lives for granted. All the "stuff" we've hoarded - that can be totally and utterly destroyed in a fire... but we offer as consolation "you have the memories". To lose those too has got to be frightening & frustrating. Just goes to show us all that nothing is forever, nothing is permanent. Your Pop's very fortunate that you're there for him...
    laurenbove said...
    Beautiful post my dear. Just beautiful.
    grace said...
    No gimmicks--just a powerful free tool to use when forgiving at www.innertalk.com
    letting go said...
    Forgiving, letting go--releasing fear and so on can be so difficult and yet so easy if the mind just attends to a little re-training. There are some free subliminal and hypnosis programs for these issues at www.innertalk.com and they helped me.

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