from where I was

It has been a long time since I posted on here but e.e. sent me a message with something I wrote some time ago and it reminded me how important this place was to me. It was a place many parts of myself healed while ironically others broke as a result of a chain reaction. It's strange how you can never really be 'whole' once there's a piece missing. It's like you turn the puzzle piece round and round trying to make it fit but it never really does and eventually you just accept that you're one of those puzzles that will always be missing pieces.

I started writing on another blog not long after my dad died which has been 6 1/2 months ago. Those of you who followed my words know that a lot of my pain came from dealing with my dad but somehow my dad and I built a relationship we both cherised. I'm very broken since he's gone; more broken than before. Please visit me there...especially you e.e. because you helped me so many times, in so many ways and quite honestly I still think about you.



selfishness and angels

Sometimes I am so completely selfish. I put my own woes up at the top of the list as if they could even compare to the plight others suffer. The little boy I spoke of before died this morning. He lost the fight to Leukemia and now God has one more angel in heaven. It makes you sad, it makes you open your eyes, and it makes you feel selfish and stupid and incredibly small. Dax died today, one day before the start of a new year, and I have to believe that he wanted to make sure his parents didn't start a new year hanging on to something he knew they could not have, him. I want to be different, not just for today, every day. I want to lay down my selfish ways and be grateful for the gifts I have so graciously been given.

Rest in peace little man and thank you for the miracles you left back here on earth.