It’s time
4 months ago
12/01/2005
I'm not sure why or how I came to this belief, but I tend to believe that men don't suffer heartaches the same as women. Maybe it's because I've been on the recipient end of those heartaches too many times and the one responsible is always a man. I realize that's probably a narrow minded view but most times we develop opinions based on our own experiences. I've known men who have gotten dumped but I rarely see them locked up in their apartment, eating a quart of Ben & Jerry's, and swearing off women for the rest of their life. Men seem to bounce back faster. Why? Why can a man stuff all his feelings deep down inside without fear that one day they'll pop back up and cause a whole world of hurt? Why can a man move on to another woman within moments of being with the last? I'm not saying women can't do that, just that men do it more easily. Do men carry loads of baggage from their last relationship into the next? Or is their baggage just disguised as something more subtle? I know there are men that exist that have had their hearts ripped from their chest but why are they fewer and far between? If you want to find a woman with a broken heart - look to your left and I'm sure you'll see one. Why? Is it true that we love differently? Do men ever cry themselves to sleep? Do they look through old photos, read old emails, listen to sappy love songs, talk endlessly about their loss with their friends? Or do they wake up, wash their face - and go on? Why do women find it so incredibly hard to move on? Why can a man just stop calling, stop emailing, stop - everything when a woman has to leave one more voice mail, send one more email, drive by his house one more time? Are we weaker, more vulnerable, more fragile? I broke a man's heart once and it damn near killed me. When they break our hearts, do they suffer? How long? Because when I broke his heart I felt the pain of his heart cracking in two for....well, I still feel it. Do they feel it - forever? If love can't last forever, can pain?
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I love reading you. Never a day goes by where you don't amaze. And that's not a come on.
It must be the way we're programmed but I still have to wonder why? Who decided that's how it should be? Seems unfair.
First I apologize for the typos in my first comment, I usually proof them. Personal pet peeve.
Now back OT, I really believe it's the way we're raised. Many times men are brought up to be these emotionless hulks that don't fell anything but what the elements throw at us.
Another thought that crossed my mind about this is that it's just the way we as men cope with loss. "Everything in our life is replacable." we are told. How untrue that statement is. Sure it works for cars and plumbing but it doesn't work for the soul.
What beautiful lips you have... Happy HNT x
A sea of ink has been spilled on this subject. A bottom line, over-simplification of it is that women are more relational and men are more task oriented. This isn't black and white because there are certainly exceptions. It's not that men don't feel the same things. It may be that we don't feel the same things as deeply as women. There are other things that effect at that depth. However, our expression can also be vastly different in these instances. I think we're wired that way by design. I could launch into a lot more than anyone would want to read so I'll stop.
Do they look through old photos, read old emails, listen to sappy love songs, talk endlessly about their loss with their friends? CHECK
Allow me to be your exception.
Both sexes are capable of stuffing down their feelings. I've done what KOW said..and just got rid of everything that reminded me of them but at other times I've cried too. Break ups are like losses, you grieve -how long and how you act emotionally depends on the how great the loss.
And I love reading all the comments on this, especially the guys' points of view. Very intriguing topic.
I've had my fare share of soul-crushing experiences. I've grown stronger through most. Endurance and strenth may appear to be a facade. This doesn't mean it hurts any less...it doesn't. I'd say men either grow stronger or grow passive through pain - relational or otherwise. I think the men that women so object to are those who've gone passive. These are the guys when you ask them how they're feeling they have no clue. They have no strenght or capacity to weep. True masculinity feels things deeply and doesn't turn passive.
Happy HNT. ;)
And for the men that have broke my heart, I have also wondered if they gave any second thoughts to it and I always hoped (and still do) that they hurt too.
I wish in some ways I could be like kow...I don't throw away pictures, letters, etc. I still have the letters from my ex husband. I still have pictures of San Antonio boy and his dear jane letter. Hard to throw away those memories.
I SEE YOU,
JJ
It's a LOT easier to tell your brain you are no longer in love than it is to tell your heart to put down the Ben and Jerry's.
Lovely lips! HHNT!
hope your day was good... thanks for the advice for work
And I'm a guy.
And it makes me feel like there's something wrong with ME.
http://www.thebatchelorchronicles.blogspot.com
I'm trying to get where you are,with how you feel about yourself, I'm just not there yet. And the last few days have really been a setback.