Some Words...

On Saturday night I had to share my time with my sig. other's parents at a Filipino holiday celebration. I was a bit put off by the whole idea since I don't get much time with my daughter I tend to be bent out of shape at the thought of sharing it with someone else who isn't my family. Yes that's a selfish thought, but at least I'm honest about it. Maybe it's hard for me because I don't feel like a real part of their family, maybe it's hard because I feel it's mostly me that gives up things, maybe I'm just being childish. Whatever the reason, I was kind of angry. I went anyway but I'm sure my reluctance showed through the facade I'd constructed. It was cold, I was tired, but I dressed my daughter in her Christmas best and headed out to a church hall where I knew exactly 3 people. I smiled and pretended to be the happy about being there, I did it for him, not for them. Of course they wanted to hold Alice, but she wasn't having it, she wanted mommy which secretly made me jump for joy. Of course I tried to get her to go to them, but she wouldn't. Maybe she could feel my invisible heart strings pulling her closer to me, maybe she felt as out of place as I did. And then the music started. Her little body started to move back and forth to the beat, she clapped her hands and smiled. I let her down, stood her in front of me, not too far, not too close, but my strings still securely attached. She began to dance and suddenly every bit of anger and resentment I'd felt, disappeared. I spent the next two hours watching my daughter dance as if nothing else in the world mattered. It was then that I realized, nothing else did matter except that little person out there moving her feet to the music. People watched her in amazement, she was happy and free, she'd learned to let herself feel things, music, love - with no regrets. I'm supposed to be the parent, the teacher, but it was her giving me a lesson. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the injustices in this world, the infractions on our precious time, that we forget to stop and listen to the music. I have to listen more often, to the music, to myself, to my daughter. My hope for all of us is that when life seems to be too much, we remember to stop and listen to the music, and dance as if nothing else mattered.