12/05/2005

pieces of me

Someone recently asked me how I write the stories, the posts, I put on my blog. They reveal so much about me, the pain I've endured, the battles I've encountered, the heartaches that have sometimes consumed my life. How do I cut myself open and let the rest of the world watch me bleed? At first, I didn't know the answer to this question. I have a lot of things inside of me, thoughts, words, feelings, and I honestly don't know what else to do with them except write them down. I guess I'm lucky that I have the creative ability to share them in such a way that they might move someone. You see, I know there are other people that exist in this world that have had similar experiences. I believe that most of us are scared to death of revealing too much about ourselves partly because we fear being rejected for what's inside of us, partly because we fear that if we give up too much, we'll lose some part of our lives that we desparately try to keep private. I guess I've never been good at revealing only pieces of myself and keeping other parts hidden. I mean it's easy not to let people in, but it's damn near impossible to want them to know you, see or understand how you ended up strong or compassionate or empathic without unveiling the road that led you to that place. It's a road that I've often waivered from. Hell, it's much easier to paint your life pretty and pretend everything matches the expectations people set for you. I've never liked easy. When I write my fingers move with fluid motion, pouring from them are the pieces of me that I know I must share. I share them to free myself, to make myself strong, to remind myself that every moment of every day I have something to say whether it's just me listening - or the whole damn world. Once, my English professor asked me what I wanted to accomplish with my writing. I told him that I wanted people to read my words and feel something. It didn't matter if it was pity, anger, empathy, happiness, as long as it was something. Think about how many words pass through your day without causing you to feel at all.

I write my life on the pages of this blog so that one day someone might come to me and say, "You know what NWC, I feel something when I read your words and somehow it helped me." If that can happen, I'll know that as hard as it is to rip off my mask, it was all worth the pain.

6 Comments:

  1. NML said...
    You do write really honest, heartfelt insightful posts and that was a lovely answer. I am alway surprised at how people can be touched by what is written on a blog, but I shouldn't be because blogs are representative of a persons emotions as opposed to other media which is blurred by constraints and demands of the company it represents.
    NewYorkMoments said...
    A lot of people go through life thinking that their alone or strange in their feelings and experiences. It helps to discover that you're not the only one.
    NewYorkMoments said...
    THEY'RE

    Sheesh...
    Troi Toy said...
    Wow! Well, as I've said before, and will say again, that you have amazing talent. Perhaps is the bright side of being the daughter of an English prof. However, you are also able to articulate what others might wish to say, but cannot formulate the wording and nuances necessary to 'touch' others. Keep up the good work! (And thanks for the + comments on my own blog)....
    Chuck said...
    I agree with Troi. Your writing may appear simple. Every gifted person thinks anyone else can do what they do. You have a talent for unpacking ideas and framing the words to flow in an easy to read format. Your thoughts don't have that 'clinical' sort of tone. Most people seem to feel like it's a fireside chat.

    Good writing is usually hard work but I guess you break the that mold.
    k o w said...
    I'd only be repeating what I've said before. Your often the first blog I check when I go online.

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