6/05/2006

say yes more often

I sat and listened to a college graduation speech over the weekend and it had it's usual message of go far and achieve much but something that was said at the closing of the speech got me thinking (and that's always dangerous), "Be less cynical in your lives, say yes more often." I kept mulling those words over in my brain long after the speech had ended because most of the time I don't consider myself cynical but I do find myself saying no quite often. Do those two things go hand in hand? I thought maybe my definition of cynical was wrong so I looked it up, "Negative or pessimistic, as from world-weariness." Hmmmm, world weariness? I suppose I've been that many times in my life. It's hard not to be weary when you've experienced so much pain in your years of living, but I've always had a "I'm a survivor attitude," at least on the outside. When I'm honest with myself I have to admit that parts of me resemble a cynic. I've been cynical about love most of my life an although I've found what I believe is true love, I struggle on a daily basis to actually trust in it. There's some part of me that lays quietly waiting for it all to be a fantasy, for the love to be a lie so that the cynical part of myself - wins. Isn't that crazy? I often boast on the fact that I'm an optimist, always believing that in the end things will turn out better than when they started but now I'm discovering I'm kind of a hypocrite because while I'm painting my walls pretty with hope, on the inside I'm doubting that any color would be bright enough to chase away the gloom. And so then comes the word No. I say No more often than I realized. I say No to letting people see the real me, they may not like what I show them. I say No to trusting people enough to rely on them, they may let me down and then I'll be left the fool. I say No to letting people see that sometimes I'm not strong, they may feel pity for me. I say No too often. There in lies the heart of my cynical self.

So how do I change? How do we all become less cynical? How do we trust in the love we find to be exactly what it reveals itself to be? How do we stop expecting the worst to happen and start believing there is nothing worse than losing faith? How do we live our lives being less cynical and start saying yes more often? I suppose it begins right here...by leaning on the people stronger than we are. We're all teachers in this place right? Someone told me once that knowing where you need to be is half the battle of getting there.

6 Comments:

  1. Michelle said...
    This is a great post, I am sure that a lot of people can relate to it. I am one of those people who would do anything for anyone but can not trust them enough for them to do something for me. I think it has to do with all the bad people in the world, you just never know who you can and can not trust. But hopefully I will find the strength and courage to change this about me.
    keda said...
    what an interesting post again sweetie!

    i'm actually not particularly cynical. despite my latest post! i think thats why i find such blatant cynisism so funny. i enjoy seeing it because i don't really harbour it.

    that doesn't mean i always feel positive, or that i trust everyone though. that would be foolish.

    but being honest about yourself and letting go of the fear of what other people think is the best way so become more positive. its not always easy. people still upset me often, but in the end if they don't like me so what? others, incuding myself do... so i'll spend time with them instead.

    coming like you (i guess) from a very difficult childhood and early adulthood i have learnt that the best way to a positive life is by acting positive even when one doesn't particularly feel it. get up, go out, do fun stuff and you'll soon start to actualy enjoy it!

    i think you manage pretty damn well babe.
    sorry the camping didn't go to plan. seperate mats/beds is always a good idea with kids* but good on you for doing it anyway you fabulous mummy you!
    WDKY said...
    I think you're right, in that we can all learn off other people. And, in y view anyway, there's a whole load of difference between world-wise and world-weary.

    Life can be quite a tough journey, but it doesn't have to be one that makes you lose your sense of optimism, or your ability to see joy in the most simple of things. Which is just as well, because if I was prone to negativity I think I'd have given up years ago :-)
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    Wow either I'm feeling more and more like you or vise versa.
    I see you,
    JJ
    Caterpillar said...
    This is a fabulous post, NWC. I'm going to put that quote on my wall. I also say no way too often, and I'm not sure yet why.
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