6/23/2006

being whole

It's almost here, one more day until I take marriage vows again. When I think back to the first time I took marriage vows it seems like not only a lifetime ago - but someone else's life completely. Although back then I knew that marriage vows were supposed to be forever, I'm not sure I actually believed it. There's something about the concept of 'forever' that just doesn't register at the tender age of 23. Wishing for something to last forever seems more like closing your eyes and wishing on a star knowing the chances of it coming true are quite slim. But now at age 38 as I let that word tumble around in my mouth, I not only believe in forever, I know that wishing on a star isn't the way to make it happen. Part of me is scared, not of joining my life to someone else's because when you have a child you've already done that. I'm scared of the things I've held on to so tightly for so many years, the things that protected me - or at least I thought they did. Things like the ability to walk away without ever looking back, things like keeping my things separate...a separate life, a separate heart, a separate piece of myself that no one could ever touch. But now when I've decided to marry the man I love, I must give up all of those things. It's not to say that some things cannot still be kept private but if I want this marriage to work, those things can no longer be only in my sole possession. If there is anything that I've learned in the last ten years it's that giving up 'things' doesn't mean loss. God, I finally know that sometimes you have to surrender yourself, your parts, your possessions - to have more than you've ever had before.

Tomorrow my family, my daughter, my sig. other, this baby I'm carrying - will join into one. One heart, one soul, one unit. You know what? I've never felt so whole in my entire life.

Have a great weekend.

13 Comments:

  1. Chuck said...
    I'm really happy for you NWC. Forever is not so long. Forever is today.
    I leave you with an Irish blessing,

    May dawn find you awake and alert, approaching your new day with dreams, possibilities, and promises.

    May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.

    May you go into the night blessed, sheltered, and protected.

    May your soul calm, console, and renew you.
    Sky said...
    Congratulations, I am very happy for you!!!

    Sending you my best wishes!
    WDKY said...
    What a journey you've been on, NWC... and just as much a journey to come. Have a wonderful day tomorrow, all of you (I'm losing count, actually :-)) and if I was less of a half-wit I'd come up with some strange, obscure and thought-provoking Jewish blessing at this point.

    As it is, I'll just wish you love, luck and happiness. I don't know if I made that up or not but I'll take the credit x
    Michelle said...
    Best wishes to your new begining, may the days be filled with health and happiness and the love that you share last for an eternity.
    LZ Blogger said...
    Good Luck and Best Wishes! Getting married doesn't mean you have to GIVE UP things, just that you GET TO SHARE them! Here's to you and your NEW family! ~ Cheers! ~ jb///
    k o w said...
    All my best to you and yours. Have a wonderful day.
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    You know that I wish you nothing but the BEST........have a wonderful day - a wonderful lifetime.
    I see you,
    JJ
    Mellissa said...
    What a beautiful post....

    Congratulations on your marriage. I hope that it will be all the things you hope for, need, dream of and desire.

    Lots of love to you NC. You deserve so much in life; you are an amazing soul.

    xoxo,
    Mellissa
    kimmyk said...
    You make me cry.....

    Today is the day....ahhhh...the big day.........

    I'm sure things as you know it wont change too much, but it's such an important day for all of you. I'm sure you'll look beautiful as always....

    Best wishes to you and your family !
    Christine said...
    you really got it--surrender

    love and tolerance are key

    go be whole, seperately and together

    Congrats NWC

    love you!
    WDKY said...
    Oh yes... pictures. We want pictures.
    keda said...
    finally.. sorry darling i have been trying to post a comment or two for the last few days and posts!

    i am so happy for you. and it gives me hope too. thank you for that.

    i hope you had a wonderful day. and that you have meany more together as a family to come.

    its wonderful, a wonderful thing you are feeling and doing.

    kisses sweetness.
    and joy.
    Tab said...
    I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU NET !!!

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