3/14/2006

where we belong

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes yesterday. Although it was a hard day, it's done now and a new journey must begin. When my mom left the nursing home yesterday my step dad called her on her way home, "I don't belong here," he said, "these people are not like me." I thought about those words all of last night and I realized that seems to be the purpose of our lives, to belong somewhere. There are times in our lives when we feel alone. When we feel that we're the only stranger in a room full of people. Times when we try so hard to 'belong' that we end up not belonging to ourselves. Some of us travel miles on roads filled with heartaches and pain just to feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves. We travel light leaving the parts of our identities that don't 'fit in' behind. And then one day when we're surrounded by those people we thought were like us, we realize that we've become a stranger to the one person we did belong to, ourselves.

I'll admit that most of my life I've wanted to be in a place where I thought I belonged, surrounded by people like me. I've hidden things about myself that others might not understand. I've pretended to be someone I'm not just so I could feel like someone they wanted me to be. In all those years of 'belonging' I realize now that I was always that stranger in the back of the room and no one noticed how out of place I really was. My life before, I didn't belong there. Those people that filled the rooms of my soul, they were not like me.

Before she hung up the phone she whispered the only words she could think of, "you belong in the hearts of all that love you and that's the only place worth being."

Belong somewhere - worth being.

11 Comments:

  1. Tab said...
    Funny how we humans have this instinct to "belong".It must go back to the cave man days of working in a tribe where everyone had an important role to survive.
    Nowadays, I think that value of working in a tribe (family) is really taken for granted by too many people.Your family though,sounds like they are sticking together.You belong with them and you belong right where you are in your personal journey ,feeling comfortable in your own skin.I wish more people would be willing to accept themselves as lovingly and open as you seem to.Keep writing !
    Thanks for sharing ~
    Rex said...
    That last line says it all...you belong in the hearts of all that you love. if I live my life in a way where I share inconditional love with those folks than I will truly feel like I belong and I will still be myself. Thanks for sharing, you've given me much to think about today!
    Alexis said...
    that's beautiful! I had been a chameleon trying to belong 'somewhere' for years before I got to AA. Now I know I'm home. I hope your step-dad (and everyone) find that place that feels like home....
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    OMG...I can totally relate to this post. I mean TOTALLY!
    I see you,
    JJ
    kimmyk said...
    i see where you find your openess and your ability to speak from your heart.

    your mom bless her heart sounds like she's trying to keep him together. how is she doing?
    Tracie said...
    What a beautiful thought. I hope it brought both your mom and stepdad some peace.

    You have the most amazing way of expressing yourself. Thanks for sharing yourself with the rest of us.
    Lori said...
    I love what your mother said. How very true. I hope that she is doing all right. This must be so very difficult for her also.

    I can very much relate to the "not belonging". There have been several times in my life where I didn't feel as if I belonged. And yet, I was never a follower, never wanted to be. I simply couldn't understand why I seemed to be the only one of "me."
    Da Gal said...
    to feel as though you belong is probably the strongest driving force in a human beings life... even when the cost to belong can be so dear.

    I will feel as though I belong when I am comfortable in my own skin for an extended period of time... with nobody else around to affirm my thoughts/beliefs/feelings.

    Until then... nothing else matters as much. Take care of you NWC,

    Meg
    WDKY said...
    I was going to say something, NWC, and the read what Da Gal said before me, which was close enough... the truth is, when we're comfortable with who we are, everything else falls into place. That need to "belong" slips away, almost unnoticed.

    Your Mum said a beautiful thing..
    Sky said...
    I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said but my heart goes out to you and your family.
    sirreene said...
    A painful situation for all involved. Over time you will come to terms with your stepfather's new living situation as he too will eventually adjust.

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