It’s time
4 months ago
3/14/2006
Thanks to everyone for your well wishes yesterday. Although it was a hard day, it's done now and a new journey must begin. When my mom left the nursing home yesterday my step dad called her on her way home, "I don't belong here," he said, "these people are not like me." I thought about those words all of last night and I realized that seems to be the purpose of our lives, to belong somewhere. There are times in our lives when we feel alone. When we feel that we're the only stranger in a room full of people. Times when we try so hard to 'belong' that we end up not belonging to ourselves. Some of us travel miles on roads filled with heartaches and pain just to feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves. We travel light leaving the parts of our identities that don't 'fit in' behind. And then one day when we're surrounded by those people we thought were like us, we realize that we've become a stranger to the one person we did belong to, ourselves.
I'll admit that most of my life I've wanted to be in a place where I thought I belonged, surrounded by people like me. I've hidden things about myself that others might not understand. I've pretended to be someone I'm not just so I could feel like someone they wanted me to be. In all those years of 'belonging' I realize now that I was always that stranger in the back of the room and no one noticed how out of place I really was. My life before, I didn't belong there. Those people that filled the rooms of my soul, they were not like me.
Before she hung up the phone she whispered the only words she could think of, "you belong in the hearts of all that love you and that's the only place worth being."
Belong somewhere - worth being.
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Nowadays, I think that value of working in a tribe (family) is really taken for granted by too many people.Your family though,sounds like they are sticking together.You belong with them and you belong right where you are in your personal journey ,feeling comfortable in your own skin.I wish more people would be willing to accept themselves as lovingly and open as you seem to.Keep writing !
Thanks for sharing ~
I see you,
JJ
your mom bless her heart sounds like she's trying to keep him together. how is she doing?
I can very much relate to the "not belonging". There have been several times in my life where I didn't feel as if I belonged. And yet, I was never a follower, never wanted to be. I simply couldn't understand why I seemed to be the only one of "me."
I will feel as though I belong when I am comfortable in my own skin for an extended period of time... with nobody else around to affirm my thoughts/beliefs/feelings.
Until then... nothing else matters as much. Take care of you NWC,
Meg
Your Mum said a beautiful thing..