Some Words...

Yesterday I wrote a post about my belief in God and for awhile after I posted it a tiny fear came over me. A fear that somehow people would think differently about me after learning about my faith. The moment of fear soon passed not because I wasn't afraid anymore but because I was too busy at work to think about it. As my day went on I barely noticed how light I felt. Most days things seem heavy and it's become a feeling I'm accustomed to, so like all things we take for granted, it took me awhile to realize - the feeling had changed. As I started out the door, quick to end my work day and make it back to my child, I caught my reflection as I passed by a picture hanging on the wall. I wasn't smiling but my brow wasn't furrowed as it usually is at the end of a long hectic day. My eyes were not focused on the floor, they were looking above the endless trail of reality that follows me home each day. I felt - lighter. On my train ride home my sudden euphoria perplexed me. Nothing extraordinary had happened today, I completed several projects and acquired several more but being successful at my job has never really caused me to shed extra emotional layers...so what was it? And then I remembered how I started my day, I shared a very private part of myself with people I've come to know as my friends. I started thinking about how afraid I was of revealing those bits of my make-up that were virtually unknown before, how I feared that people might think of me differently, and then I realized I was the one that was thinking about myself differently. I made it home yesterday, played Barbie's with my sweet girl, made dinner, watched Lost, and headed down to bed for a few precious moments with a good book and as I lay there trying to concentrate on my reading I smiled because for the first time in a very long time - I liked myself. I liked the fact that sometimes I procrastinate so long that I'm forced to scramble things together to make things turn out the way they are supposed to do - and I'm successful. I like that I wake up every morning tired and wishing I could go back to sleep until I hear my daughter singing 'Row Row Row your boat' and instantly I have all the energy in the world. I like that sometimes I'm scared of things, the darkness, strangers, going places I've never been - it makes me feel normal. I like that I shared a piece of myself with virtual strangers and I contemplated their opinion of me, it makes me feel aware of my actions. I like that sometimes it takes me longer to stop loving someone only because I've loved them so much more than they loved me, it reminds me how much capacity my heart really has. So many of us never really think about whether we like ourselves or not. We take it for granted that liking yourself, is required. Today I challenge you to make a list, be it mental or physical, and remind yourself about the things you cherish about YOU. Other people only really like us because they are following our lead.


Happy Half Nekkid Thursday