3/23/2006

And Darn It, I like myself


Yesterday I wrote a post about my belief in God and for awhile after I posted it a tiny fear came over me. A fear that somehow people would think differently about me after learning about my faith. The moment of fear soon passed not because I wasn't afraid anymore but because I was too busy at work to think about it. As my day went on I barely noticed how light I felt. Most days things seem heavy and it's become a feeling I'm accustomed to, so like all things we take for granted, it took me awhile to realize - the feeling had changed. As I started out the door, quick to end my work day and make it back to my child, I caught my reflection as I passed by a picture hanging on the wall. I wasn't smiling but my brow wasn't furrowed as it usually is at the end of a long hectic day. My eyes were not focused on the floor, they were looking above the endless trail of reality that follows me home each day. I felt - lighter. On my train ride home my sudden euphoria perplexed me. Nothing extraordinary had happened today, I completed several projects and acquired several more but being successful at my job has never really caused me to shed extra emotional layers...so what was it? And then I remembered how I started my day, I shared a very private part of myself with people I've come to know as my friends. I started thinking about how afraid I was of revealing those bits of my make-up that were virtually unknown before, how I feared that people might think of me differently, and then I realized I was the one that was thinking about myself differently. I made it home yesterday, played Barbie's with my sweet girl, made dinner, watched Lost, and headed down to bed for a few precious moments with a good book and as I lay there trying to concentrate on my reading I smiled because for the first time in a very long time - I liked myself. I liked the fact that sometimes I procrastinate so long that I'm forced to scramble things together to make things turn out the way they are supposed to do - and I'm successful. I like that I wake up every morning tired and wishing I could go back to sleep until I hear my daughter singing 'Row Row Row your boat' and instantly I have all the energy in the world. I like that sometimes I'm scared of things, the darkness, strangers, going places I've never been - it makes me feel normal. I like that I shared a piece of myself with virtual strangers and I contemplated their opinion of me, it makes me feel aware of my actions. I like that sometimes it takes me longer to stop loving someone only because I've loved them so much more than they loved me, it reminds me how much capacity my heart really has. So many of us never really think about whether we like ourselves or not. We take it for granted that liking yourself, is required. Today I challenge you to make a list, be it mental or physical, and remind yourself about the things you cherish about YOU. Other people only really like us because they are following our lead.


Happy Half Nekkid Thursday HNT_1

12 Comments:

  1. Christine said...
    you appear so aware of you and share that so well with us--
    thank you
    Alexis said...
    I like me, too. : ) Good to see you like you! Thank you for being so open with us.
    Lance said...
    I wrote something a few months back about hiding our faith. I am glad you like yourself whether it is a little or a lot. Faith is part of who we ae, let it out to shine.
    sirreene said...
    I've come a looooooong way! I am sure that I have yet a long way to go but it has been quite a journey so far. Usually only a roller coaster when I get on for a ride today!
    NML said...
    Nice post. I must write that list! I really admire your attitude to life.
    DayByDay4-2Day said...
    your right. I think I'll do that post tomorrow.
    Tab said...
    "I'm mak'in a list,check'in it twice ,gonna find out if I'm naughty or nice" ....

    You have such a great way of inviting new thoughts into our day!

    I am going to making some changes in my daily routine.Got'a get some work done towards some important goals of mine.
    I will stop by from time to time.

    You are a beautiful writer..
    keep up the awesome sharing !!!!!
    ~TVS said...
    Very revealing.
    HHNT!
    TJ said...
    Beautiful picture...and words to accompany it.

    Without even being aware of your challenge, I just blogged about reminding myself what things are really important.

    And I just booked a trip to your neck of the woods next month!
    Lori said...
    This is really lovely, and revealing yourself - and your faith - only make you more dear to those of us who are coming to know you. I think that you are so on target with your heart and that's what makes you so inspiring and truly beautiful.
    Mellissa said...
    NC,

    Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. As I am sure you know from reading my blog, that my faith, my love for God and my beliefs are the best part of who I am. I am happy that you said it out loud to us all in your other post.

    Having faith in a faithless world is a mark of strength and grace. Two things I admire in a lady.

    Mel
    WDKY said...
    I was intrigued by this post, NWC, and liked it very much. Why would any of us think fifferently about you because of your faith? Faith is an intensely personal thing, and the fact that you were so open about it is the thing that refelcts on you as a person.

    I am confused about something, though... do you live in an upside-down house? Oh, and I love that photo of your gorgeous face.

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