2/28/2006

who I want you to be

My father told me once that the hardest task to accomplish as a parent is being the person you want your children to grow up thinking you were. I think the hardest thing to accept as a grown up is finding out your parents were not the person you grew up knowing them to be. It wasn't until having a child of my own that I really understood what he meant by that statement. When you become a parent even the tiniest mole hills appear to be mountains under the microscope your child is holding over you. My opinion I had of myself changed drastically after hearing my child repeat every word she heard coming from my mouth. Most of us rarely listen to what we say. We speak, sometimes we think first, but most of the time once the words leave our mouths they are gone and the ownership of those words goes with them. I won't say that having a child forces you to re-evaluate what you say but I will say that it should. Some of us live up to the challenge while others simply don't care. I don't want to be one of those 'other' parents. When I heard my sweet girl tell our dog to 'Shut Up' I gasped...shut up doesn't sound very nice when it's coming from the mouth of a two year old. Actually, that word doesn't sound very nice coming from my mouth either, but I never noticed because I do that bad thing...I don't listen to what I'm saying. So I made a mental note, remember to say "be quiet", it sounds much nicer. And I thought I was doing ok, I was a proper role model but then we were in the car and someone pulled out in front of me, "You are so stupid," I yell. "Stupid," comes from a tiny voice behind me. My God I am a horrible person, I just taught my child to say stupid. Let me tell you there is nothing in this world more capable of causing you to listen to yourself than a child. Maybe that's what we need in this world, more children sitting on the jury's that judge who we are. Nobody spots a phony quicker than a child. I don't want to be phony, I want to live up to every expectation that my child has of me. Your children become what you are so be what you want them to be.

8 Comments:

  1. SL said...
    Very, very true. I'm just discovering that myself.

    "The children are our future"

    Also true - so what kind of future do we want?

    Loved your last couple of posts before this, by the way. Loved them.
    kimmyk said...
    I always think our children are reflections of ourselves. Only better. I look at my daughter and she makes me laugh so hard at times. I sure hope that others see her as a good reflection of me....what better compliment is there than that?
    My son has the temper of his father...and I'm always reminding his dad to be better because our son looks up to him....my son looks like me, but has his daddy's temper.

    I'm just proud of them....I could go on and on...but I wont.
    I'm sure your lil girl is an amazing lil image of you....
    Da Gal said...
    Your words are so true - and so pertinent. I wish my mom could see how lovely she is as lovely as I see her at times. I also wish she knew how powerful her words are and how long they stick within - and somehow the words that hurt stick worse and longer than the ones that heal.

    Choose your words carefully - you never know who is listening and when they will be felt or repeated.

    Your words are beautiful and your daughter is blessed to have such a "present" mommy.
    Da Gal said...
    pssstt it wasn't you with the problems on my site - it was the site and now an hour later I think I have it fixed! =)
    Rex said...
    This is great. I couldn't have said it better. I love that last line..."Your children become what you are so be what you want them to be." I didn't get sober until they were 17 and 13 so I have my work cut out for me. I pray everyday that what I'm becoming now is more like who they will be, than the person I was when they were growing up. Thanks for sharing.
    NML said...
    This is great. There are a few parents that I have come across that could do with reading this post. Your child has been absolute blessing to you.
    Grace said...
    We don't have children yet but often I think if I'm going to be a good role model. I am always telling hubby that we have to practice now what we say and how we act so our children won't have our bad habits. I look forward to being a parent, but I know my life will for ever change and I hope I remember your post so I can remember that little eyes are always watching, listening and saying.
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    There are days I think my girls are so much like me it is scary....
    I see you,
    JJ

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