2/15/2006

I know this much is true

In my thirty some odd years of living there is one thing I can say for certain, I know myself. It wasn't always that way, or maybe it was but I too often questioned my own instincts. I lost faith in what I knew and who I knew, myself. I used to wonder where that came from, the doubting myself, but then I figured it out. We learn to question what we know or how we feel because of other people. I read a post on NYM's blog the other day about people that lie and not being able to forgive someone once they lie to you. I have to agree with her because when people lie to you it causes you to doubt yourself. You trust someone to be honest with you and when they are not, there's only one fool left standing. Lies hurt twice. Once when their told and once when they are discovered. Knowing this rarely prevents us from telling lies, even the small ones. Maybe we tell them because we think no one will get hurt, maybe we think no one will ever really know, but that in itself is a lie. Lies eventually come back to the place they started. Although I've been lied to many many times in my life I've learned how to separate someone's lies from determining how much I trust myself. The thing is, when I listen to my heart, when I remember that I truly know myself, lies don't work anymore. Lies only have as much power as you give them and if you reduce them to what they are, useless words, they lose power to define who you are.

Recently someone lied to me, the words matter less than the reason. As I stood there watching their mouth form the words I knew were not true, I had to step back from it all, step back from the black cloud that was sure to hang over my head. When I took that step backward, the only words I could hear were the ones in my head telling me to walk away. I know that if I stayed I'd end up believing those lies, not because I'm gullible, because I'm compassionate. I want to believe in other people as much as I believe in myself but the fact is, some people don't deserve that loyalty. Walking away from people who cannot be honest will save you many sleepless nights and a whole lot of pain. It doesn't matter if you walk away before you hear the lie or after, it matters that you walk away when you discover it. Staying, will take away the most important thing you'll ever have, faith in yourself.

7 Comments:

  1. Alexis said...
    Congrats on walking away.... its one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
    NML said...
    I've walked away and I have no regrets, but I do have me and that's the most important thing. Great post.
    e.e. said...
    I helped a friend live a lie for fifteen years.
    When I cut myself loose from her tangled web I found exactly what you just wrote: faith in me.
    And boy, did it hurt to walk away.

    But I am still standing.
    Lance said...
    Honesty and trust in ourselves. Emotional intellegence has a high level of both of those. Nice post.
    Hamrose said...
    Hm-mm interesting way to put it NWC...I think you're right, we sometimes do "believe" the lie out of compassion. I never thought about it that way before. But, ultimately it doesn't end up working does it. Interesting thing about truth, no matter how ya try to obliterate it, cover it up or twist it around, it still comes to the surface eventually...just demanding its rightful place.
    Shannon said...
    I just love your writting, I can think back when listening to someones lies, and knowing they are not true, but wanting to believe them anyway because, I wanted to believe in the, and wanted to be with them...

    I too can relate at being about 30 something years old knowing me... what a gift... thanks NWC
    Tosa said...
    I walked away from a friendship last year due to a lie. I don't think it was to preserve faith in myself so much as to prevent future pain. I knew the lying wouldn't stop and I didn't want to be hurt again.

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