Some Words...

If success were measured by how many things in your life turned out the way you thought they would, some would consider me a failure. Life can be so difficult. It can be disappointing. It can be down right unfair. Isn't it unfair that we all don't get what we expect? Or is the unfairness in the fact that we have expectations at all? Who told us to do that, expect things? Every self help book you pick up tells you that you must have expectations because if you don't, you'll find disappointment around every corner. Isn't that backwards? We learn to expect things from people. Expect them to love us the way we want them to. Expect them to know us better then we know ourselves even though we refuse to really let - them -know - us. We expect for people to be everything we want them to be simply because, it's what we expect. What would happen if we had no expectations? Would we live a life without disappointment? Would love be easier because it just exists or doesn't and we never expect it to be one or the other, it just is...or isn't. Would life be a success because it met every single one of...well you wouldn't have expectations so life would just be. Where would happiness go? What would happiness be? If we never expect for something to turn out the way we wanted it to, when it did, would we still be happy? There are so many questions, most of which I have no answers. I'm a thinker, as painful as it is sometimes I question things. I want to be happy but in all honesty, I'm afraid as hell to expect it to happen. My life isn't horrible. I have a beautiful daughter who is my sun and moon and most days that's enough. But sometimes I remember that old me, the one that made lists, the one who expected things. I always come back to a line in a song that I came across, "I wanted life to be an easier proposition, but it isn't. I wanted to be perfect but I'm not. I wanted love to last forever, but it doesn't. Things change." Maybe the irony in it all is that as much as we long for things to change, we really just want them to stay the same.