2/21/2006

a journey back

I've been taking some guitar/song writing lessons, partly so I can finish putting music to a bunch of songs I wrote, and partly because I've felt the need lately to find that part of myself I seemingly lost when I became a mother. Being a parent is wonderful but whether you want it to or not, it takes away or covers up some parts of your former self. I suppose sometimes that's a good thing. Parenthood can teach even the most selfish of us to put someone else first but there are parts of me, bits and pieces, that I really liked about my old self. I considered myself somewhat of an artist, I wrote poetry and lyrics, I painted, I did things with my hands (get your mind out of the gutter). Before Alice, my edges were more defined. In a sense I had an outline of myself, one that took me thirty some years to trace, but slowly and sometimes painfully, I discovered how to make myself whole. I'm not saying that when I had a child I lost a part of myself, rather I misplaced it. As much as being a mother fills me up, it cannot be the one and only ingredient in my life. So slowly I've been reclaiming some of that old me and I have to tell you it feels wonderful. Some of us have spent a life time running away from who we are, from those pieces that sometimes define us. That distance you travel can seem endless but what I've discovered is that the journey back can take even longer.

11 Comments:

  1. Rex said...
    So true. Have a great day.
    NML said...
    How lovely. I think it's great to regroup with yourself. My friends that are mothers feel much of the way that you do.
    sirreene said...
    You are amazing.
    Shannon said...
    I can totally relate with that, and gone through and go through the struggles of constantly rededinfing my role as a mother, a wife, me... LOL I struggle with it... and I didnt get thats what I have been doing until the other night, a new mom in a meeting was sharing her struggles with her new roles as a mom and a wife, and yea its a cool journey, so glad have been discovering it
    Chuck said...
    When playing the guitar becomes second nature it's like therapy. I love to sit down and improvise various chords and work the words in. Good luck learning.
    Tab said...
    The further you go along your journey in life Net' the closer you are getting to yourself,what could be a greater gift to your daughter than that kind of example.
    You really are showing us Mommy's
    the art of parenting :)
    Thanks for sharing ~
    ps>follow your artistic dreams!
    Lance said...
    thanks for the great post yesterday over at the other place.
    DayByDay4-2Day said...
    I didn't realize it until I did step work that I actually held regrets about not finishing college, for not following through on my dream of being an artist. Once I realized that I can't/shouldn't hold that against myself I was able to regain someone of that passion towards those talents. I still wish that I would have finished, but now realize I can still be an artist with out the school.
    Alexis said...
    Sounds like quite a journey of discovery you are beginning! Happy Travels!
    Caterpillar said...
    Writing lyrics and putting them to music is soooooo cool! Good for you!! And also - it's hard for me to do all the artistic things I want to do, and I don't have a child! So you're amazing! :)
    Hamrose said...
    I had that same experience. I think it's because I was so focused on wanting to do everything right. That, and the fact that I found motherhood (with the first child) so overwhelming. It felt like a choice between me and her...so I chose her. But now, I'm looking at the cast off parts and picking up each one and deciding if I want that piece to be put back into the landscape. It IS a good thing. I did think I was lost for a little bit, but it was just temporary...

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