2/06/2006

when we were friends

This past weekend was Superbowl Sunday. Traditionally this is a day where people gather to watch football, whether they like the sport or not, drink, eat, be social. I can remember many of these celebrations and the hang hang-overs that came afterwards, but the past two years have been very different - I'm a mom now. I didn't know that when I had a child that most of my 'non-parent' friends would virtually disappear. It's almost as if I caught some disease and their afraid of coming too close for fear of catching it. Some friends remained but most didn't. Sure they still talk to you but the invites to parties and social gatherings become fewer in number. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, my nose pressed against the glass while I whisper, "I'm still me." I've always made friends very easily and I guess I took it for granted that they would still be my friends even after I had a child. I was wrong and honestly that really hurts. It's tough to keep friendships alive and even tougher to do it while balancing a career and motherhood. The friends that remained are precious to me but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the rest of them. Before I became a parent I had friends with children and I never looked at them differently, in fact I thought they had more than I could ever hope for. I know that I have to meet more people that have children, set play dates, have social gatherings where children are allowed, but it's hard and I don't have that much time to start all over again. I just can't figure out why I'm so different, or at least why I appear that way, now that I have a child. If I've changed at all, it has to be for the better. After all I now know how to be selfless.

9 Comments:

  1. Tab said...
    Your probably not that different a person Net' but your priorities are way differenct and some friends cannot relate to that.
    And at the risk of sounding like a fortune cookie again I believe
    New Friends Will Come Your Way.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Tab
    Da Gal said...
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Networkchic}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I can't relate from the standpoint of having a child. however I have seen and watched friendships change when a child comes into the picture. This started young for me since my friends started having kids at the age of 13.

    Reminds me of the "a reason, a season, a lifetime" thought. Hang in there and know that I think you're a wonderful person - you don't live that far from me. Perhaps we'll have to meet someday and I can be added to your list of new friends!

    Take care lovely lady!
    Caterpillar said...
    I'm sometimes a little intimidated to call my friends with children (of course, they all live out of state, too). I feel like they will be really busy now, and also like maybe my little life problems will seem so small and silly to them. I'm probably wrong on both accounts.

    The other thing is that I feel like a bit of failure around them and jealous at the same time, because they seem to have their lives so in order, and have a wonderful little child who relies on them and is the love of their life. And I want that and am afraid it might never happen for me.

    But I'm also really happy whenever I'm around little children!

    Just my completely subjective point of view. And reading your post is a good reminder that moms can feel lonely, too, and still need their old friends.
    Lori said...
    Having a child changes everything. I remember, before I had my children, listening in on parents' conversations...and feeling left out on the other side of the fence. Perhaps some of your friends feel like you have entered a new world and have left them behind, too. They may have feelings of loneliness as well, but don't know how to express that.

    I was a stay-at-home mom for several years, and my saving grace was to meet other mothers who had the same values and hopes for their children and families. It opened up a whole new world for me. It doesn't mean you have to leave your old friends behind. Just be open to new opportunities that may be waiting in unexpected, yet wonderful places.
    Fitèna said...
    Am not married, have no childre and don't see my friends anymore. Most of them. They are married and have children. It just happens, maybe when I get married and have kids of my own we'll reconnect!

    Fitèna
    sirreene said...
    Children change everything! I was the very first in my group and I dropped out of the social scene with my friends ages ago. Last weekend I got together with some old friends one of which JUST had a baby. She had to get a sitter for the 1st time. My children ~ one was out, the other old enough to stay home alone. What a huge difference! Some friends remain, others not. I would NEVER trade motherhood for anything.
    e.e. said...
    If you were my friend, I would call you and invite you over or to go out a zillion times... no matter what!
    Sure, these things change us, and change dynamics of relationships. But it doesn't HAVE to be that way.
    You are welcome at my place near Boston **anytime**.

    Oh, and your daughter too, of course! ;)
    Just Some Gal said...
    I completely understand babe. ((Hugs))
    WDKY said...
    NWC, you want to try being a single Dad! But hey, of those "friends" that aren't around any more, I bet if you really think about it the friendships themselves would have had some strange qualities to them... like you being the giver, for example! Most times when this happens, it turns out to be no great loss... now you just need to get a balance in your life, and things will just "happen".

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