1/09/2006

the Peace in me

It's taken a few days but it's finally happened, I'm relaxed. I've been on vacation since Friday and upon my arrival it was questionable whether or not the weather would warm up enough for me to lay on the beach...but it has and today I spent the better part of my day laying in the sun and building sand castles with my daughter. Life should be this blissful all the time shouldn't it? Or maybe if it was we would appreciate these moments less.

I had a chance earlier this evening to walk on the beach by myself, something I have not done in at least a couple of years. My life always seems to be filled up with other people and other things, so much so that taking a walk alone becomes near impossible. But tonight, I walked, I drank a glass of wine, I remembered what it felt like to have space on the inside and the outside of me. So many thoughts swirled in my head, thoughts of the past, questions about my future, but through every single one of them one thing remained constant - I felt at peace. The turmoil I so often feel, the regret, the guilt, the pang of wanting something more, disappeared. I could be me, the good me, the bad me, the selfish me, the me that belonged to no one else except me. I want more of these walks, more of these days that seem so full of possibilities. Can I leave this place and take this new found peace with me? Can I pack it away like a souvenir, take it home and put it in my scrap book to look at when I have forgotten what it felt like to be at peace? I'm going to try.

I think everyone should take a vacation at the beginning of the year so that they can wipe their slate clean, start over, leave the bad stuff behind, find hope, take a walk alone and realize - some things have to be done all by yourself. I'm going to hold on to this, the Peace in me.

11 Comments:

  1. kimmyk said...
    Yeah for being at peace!

    I've always said "I just want peace in my life"...even if it would only be for one day....how envious i am of you.
    unforgiving b*tch said...
    I just got off my beginning of the year vacation and it was the perfect start for the year! Hope you return refreshed and rejuvenated!
    Caterpillar said...
    Yay for you, NWC! That sense of peace is so wonderful - I often get it when I'm walking by myself, too, and looking at the amazing beauty of the world all around me. Enjoy it and drink it all in!! I'm so happy for you!
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    Walking on the beach by myself is one of my "most favorite" things to do. I am happy you are relaxing and enjoying your time.
    I see you,
    JJ
    Just Some Gal said...
    What a wonderful update.
    I am...
    officially...
    envious.

    :-)

    But, I am so happy for you NWC. So very happy and I really think you deserved it.

    ((hugs))
    WDKY said...
    I'm so glad that you're having the kind of holiday you wanted, NWC, and you deserve some relxation and a few days withput worrying about everybody else.

    Of course, the trick is to learn to hold onto that feeling of peace when the world is going crazy around you... as it seems to most days of our lives. I'm trying to do that myself, and have found that I can get there often enough, but can't necessarily sustain it.

    It's an ongoing project.
    Troi Toy said...
    Like the dog pics! Get a tan! Have fun!
    Having just returned from vacation, I can tell you that you take it back with you for a few days at least (better than nothing, right?)
    Mike said...
    "it was questionable whether or not the weather would warm up enough for me to lay on the beach..."

    TRUST ME ENJOY THE WEATHER YOU HAVE!!! IT'S NICER THEN BACK HOME IN OLE CHI TOWN!
    sirreene said...
    Vacations disappear quickly that is why it is SO important to NOT work so hard and continue that lite spirited feeling!
    Chuck said...
    Vacations are tiny crumbs of eternity. A little taste of when all seems as it should be. If the Garden of Eden is true I think it left an imprint on our soul where we long to go back and live there.
    k o w said...
    What sirreene said. Never lose that feeling.

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