Some Words...

It's taken a few days but it's finally happened, I'm relaxed. I've been on vacation since Friday and upon my arrival it was questionable whether or not the weather would warm up enough for me to lay on the beach...but it has and today I spent the better part of my day laying in the sun and building sand castles with my daughter. Life should be this blissful all the time shouldn't it? Or maybe if it was we would appreciate these moments less.

I had a chance earlier this evening to walk on the beach by myself, something I have not done in at least a couple of years. My life always seems to be filled up with other people and other things, so much so that taking a walk alone becomes near impossible. But tonight, I walked, I drank a glass of wine, I remembered what it felt like to have space on the inside and the outside of me. So many thoughts swirled in my head, thoughts of the past, questions about my future, but through every single one of them one thing remained constant - I felt at peace. The turmoil I so often feel, the regret, the guilt, the pang of wanting something more, disappeared. I could be me, the good me, the bad me, the selfish me, the me that belonged to no one else except me. I want more of these walks, more of these days that seem so full of possibilities. Can I leave this place and take this new found peace with me? Can I pack it away like a souvenir, take it home and put it in my scrap book to look at when I have forgotten what it felt like to be at peace? I'm going to try.

I think everyone should take a vacation at the beginning of the year so that they can wipe their slate clean, start over, leave the bad stuff behind, find hope, take a walk alone and realize - some things have to be done all by yourself. I'm going to hold on to this, the Peace in me.