1/20/2006
I want to be a strong person. A person who has normal happy days where memories stay where they are supposed to stay - in the past. I want every step I take to be a solid motion towards something better, but this is reality. My reality. Sometimes it's just so hard to loosen the chains that tie you to the ground. Some days I think I'm strong enough to break free of the jail I've put myself in, some days I think I'm lucky enough to find someone with a key and they'll scoop me up in their arms and say, "NWC, it will all be alright," and I'll believe them. But I'm smarter now, I know no one else can save me. Some days I write things on this blog that inspire some of you to be strong, but sometimes I forget to read my own words, some days I feel illiterate. I wonder how many times I'll have to go to the back of the line and learn the same lessons all over again.
This morning when I came into work I was feeling a bit defeated. Somehow I'd let my positive outlook slip away, how could that happen? I started to read some of the comments left on my post yesterday and one of them really moved me. Lance said, "You are building a bridge. A bridge to a relationship with yourself again." And then it hit me, this is the way it's supposed to be, good days, bad days, days filled with reflection. A bridge is a passage, a means to get from one place to another. Right now I'm on the middle of that bridge, sometimes I have to turn back to look at where I've come from - so I remind myself that the grass truly is greener on the other side. No one needs to come rescue me, I have the key to my own jail cell - I just need to remember which pocket I've put it in.
Posts
I wrote a post recently about being trapped at A Heart's Mind that searches for why walls are built up in our life. Mellissa responded with the cycle of we build them up and then tear them down and build them up again to release us then to protect us again.
Incidently the theme of bridges for me is my gift as a person of faith. Every since I was a kid, I brought people together, I just connected.
We do not know each other as individuals, but we like the same music, Sheryl Crow just released a some recuts at Itunes essentials. The song is a fovorite of mine. But we know each others spirit or soul if we can say that. We know this place well. Too well.
In closing to this comment Would you be interested in contributing to A Heart's Mind, not to draw you away, but to draw others to you?
Today is one of those days-I'm feelin fussy and tired. I think I need chocolate and a nap. Both of which I can't have right now.
I hope the grass is greenier as you say...I can't imagine it being like this forever.
Thank you for your kind words and yes, motherhood is one of the most beautiful things that has ever occurred in my life.
((hugs))
I see you and yes you may be on the bridge but I can still see you,
JJ
But inspiration for us is not the goal, you know that... it is for you.
I hope and can tell that you get inspiration every day from your good heart.
Who am I but a nobody... someone who stops in and seeks to merely commiserate from one prison cell to another.
It is okay to take two steps back and three forward.
Its okay to mix it up a little.
And if you misplace the key, just call a friend.
Or a stranger, like me.
Somehow, somewhere, someone gave me the spare....
You are a beautiful, kind, loving woman - and a treasure to me.
Take care and be kind to yourself. Meg
The only thing I would say, in passing, is to be careful how you define good and bad. Some of those "bad" days just might not be quite what they seem.
thanks for sharing
Tab