Some Words...

I went on vacation to relax, rejuvenate, and to leave some pieces of myself behind. Pieces that have become to heavy to carry, pieces that weigh me down so that I often find it too hard to forge ahead. I was able to succeed - somewhat. Although I came back with more than I expected, still I was able to clear the fog from my head. The ocean has a sort of healing power, washing over you and exposing even the best kept secrets. As I sat on the beach watching the waves crash against the shore, it felt as though I were watching the stories of my life. So many times I've been pulled out to sea, lost in something bigger than myself, only to come crashing back to some reality that throws me off course again. But this time, when the motion moved me, I let it. My life - here in reality, is filled with pain that I've held on to. I'm not sure why I do that but somehow the pain that has so haunted me has become company. Sometimes we get so used to the pain that when it starts to subside we find some way to bring it all back to the surface. The pain becomes all we know and trying to escape it seems near impossible. I thought I knew the source of all my pain, parts of my childhood, the sins of my father and the men I wrapped myself around trying to rewrite history. Some of the pain, I created myself, partly as an excuse. If I was in pain, then I didn't have to worry about healing. Sometimes healing is harder to deal with than the wound itself. The ocean is filled with salt water and we all know salt may burn a wound but it also helps it heal. I let that water wash over me and I can feel it now - I'm starting to heal. I left some things behind at that vacation hide away, but I brought something back too - strength.