11/28/2005

playing a grown up

I'm so tired. I've worked through the holiday weekend and my spirits are just about broken. It's hard you know, being a grown up. Part of me wants to jump up and down, stomp my feet, scream "life isn't fair" at the top of my lungs, but I won't - because I'm a grown up. When we are grown ups we're expected to hold emotion inside and become great 'pretenders'. Why? When my daughter is upset she cries, I pick her up, I hug her, she feels safe, she stops crying. I want someone to pick me up and make me feel safe. Why does that stop, the comforting? Who made the rule that it's ok to express frustration when we're children but by the time we've matured, we're expected to contain our emotions. If we're angry we must discuss it in a sensible fashion, why? How about if I'm pissed off I run outside and kick my feet in the dirt, run ten circles around the house, lock myself in my room - until I've cooled off? God I'd love to lock myself in my room! It may not be productive but it would sure make me feel a hell of a lot better. Who the hell has to be productive 100% of their life? We do, grown ups. If we're not productive we're labeled - loser. We are forced to fit into this compartmentalized version of a human being. Stuff the bad feelings down, turn the other cheek, treat others as you would want them to treat you, and deal with life. Most times I can play a pretty good grown up but today, I've decided I need a break. After I'm done typing I'm going to hide under my desk with my flashlight and my book and pretend there is no outside world. When I decide to play a grown up again, I'm bringing my teddy bear with me, damn it.

Happy Monday.

12 Comments:

  1. Joe said...
    Ummm...we're not supposed to do those things?
    sirreene said...
    You are overworked. This is why you need to step back and realize that Holidays are meant to be taken by ALL. Work will get done. Remember the way you are feeling now...Xmas is around the corner. Be prepared to STOP.
    Annalis said...
    I can so relate to this post...
    Caterpillar said...
    I believe in expressing the emotions and frustration to an extent, it's much more healthy than trying to lock it all inside! And I hope that even though you couldn't run around the building and lock yourself in your room, you feel a little better by venting your frustration here!!! :) I hope it gets better soon for you!!
    WDKY said...
    NWC, only you have the ability to ensure that you're treated reasonably.Please don't let it happen over Christmas, though.... As for the need for a hug, the need to be picked up and made to feel safe, you're one of the lucky one's with a SO. Wnat me to have a word?
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    Good for you! Take a break and be a kid. I do it every once and a while. It's great. You are great!
    I see you,
    JJ

    word verification : cdqeqgzq
    wtf is that?????
    Shannon said...
    being overworked sucks... I can totally relate with being a grown up, sometimes it does suck.. but thats normal, I with sireen and JJ take a break, I told myself no OT the rest of this week! I need to too.. tonight, hot bubble bath and nice celb gossip mag... aaaaaaah

    ffgzee??? LOL
    kimmyk said...
    man if i could not be an adult for one day...shewwiee!!!
    i'd go to the zoo, and eat ice cream....

    of course i'd drag yer ass along too....
    k o w said...
    I can hardly remember the wonder of yesteryear.
    nukie310 said...
    I'd make a little tent somewhere and bring oreo cookies, Curious George books and a pillow.
    Joe said...
    **hug**
    NML said...
    I'd sneak a blankie and hot water bottle in and get cosy. Actually, after my recent debacle with work my bro told me that I must draw the line and say no if i don't want to be taken advantage of. I know it's difficult with work schedules but hopefully they'll cut you a break on the next holiday. Or you can demand one ;-)

Post a Comment