5/16/2006

who's at fault

I read a post yesterday about how people 'make' us feel a certain way and it struck a chord. I remember in my years of therapy sessions being told that no one can make you 'feel' anything. It took me a long time to agree with this theory and sometimes I still fall prey to that old way of thinking. You know it's much easier to blame someone else for the way you feel isn't it? How much better do we feel if someone else is to blame for our mistakes? It's instinct isn't it? I've spent so much of my life blaming someone else for the way I feel that I've often forgotten to focus on how to 'feel' differently. We all have choice, whether we admit it or not. Remember, the search for someone to blame is always successful. I try every single day to blame no one, not even myself. No one is to blame for the way I am except me and that's not really blame it's responsibility. A favorite quote...If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

15 Comments:

  1. AAwoken said...
    Now you are on to something..... ;)
    Christine said...
    be more than a month I'd bet before I could sit down--

    I love your line about being successful when looking to blame someone else---how true!

    love you, hope you are feeling well.
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    LOL!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE that quote!!! : ) and I try to choose my perspective, which directly affects my feelings. If I don't like the way I feel today, I've got all the tools of the program to change it. and I agree completely, no one can "make me feel" any way.... its only when I hand over the power..
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    LOL!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE that quote!!! : ) and I try to choose my perspective, which directly affects my feelings. If I don't like the way I feel today, I've got all the tools of the program to change it. and I agree completely, no one can "make me feel" any way.... its only when I hand over the power..
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    LOL!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE that quote!!! : ) and I try to choose my perspective, which directly affects my feelings. If I don't like the way I feel today, I've got all the tools of the program to change it. and I agree completely, no one can "make me feel" any way.... its only when I hand over the power..
    Tab said...
    its all part of us growing up isn't it? self accountability.
    ugh.hope my loved one catches on to this one sooner in life than I did! Thanks for sharing~
    sirreene said...
    That is beautifully written. Thank you for articulating so well accountability in regards to one's own feelings and not blaming others. You really do write well.
    kate said...
    I think that it is also important to remember that no one can tell you how to feel or vice versa. I find that there are often times in my life that people will do or say something and I feel a certain way. They may not have MEANT to do it but the emotion is no less real to me.

    Great post!
    Shannon said...
    oooh that is a good one
    tricky because we dont like how other people treat us, or how we feel because of it, it is easy to just straight out blame them... hmmm
    lots of blame going on where I hang out
    Caterpillar said...
    I've been told this too. It's sometimes difficult advice to follow! But if I remember to remind myself of it, then it helps.
    Trudging said...
    Ohhhhhhhhh, nice Blog! Have I been here before?
    Rex said...
    That was great. Thanks for sharing. If I would have followed your quote I think I might have been standing for more than a few years straight. When I finally took responsiblities for my own feelings life got a hell of a lot better.
    WDKY said...
    You're absolutely right, NWC... and I doubt I'd ever sit again. Taking responsibility and growing up go hand in hand.
    keda said...
    well said.

    however i came from the complete opposite direction in my therapy... having always blamed myself!

    it is important to acknowledge WHO and WHAT makes us 'feel' bad and when and why! then we can begin to change not only how WE feel but get rid of those triggers!

    blaming ourselves and expecting to be able to make things better by only changing ourselves is not always possible. sometimes we need to face the fact that external forces and people can be damaging in themselves and should be given the BOOT!

    i read back the last few posts as i've been away (and then sick boo hoo!). i wanted to say that you will find enough love for a second child. you will feel guilty more often as you will have to juggle... but the fact that you are so aware and in love with your daughter will make you aware of the difficulties and show you how to overcome them. our love is an ever expanding thing!

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