5/05/2006

things you can't take back

I've had rough morning. My daughter's nanny thought it was Saturday so she decided not to show up...until I called her and gently reminded her it was actually Friday and I had to be at work. An hour late she rolls in apologetic, ok so you over slept but honestly that doesn't put me in any better mood you know? Then I make the mistake of accepting a ride to work from my sig. other. I somehow let it slip my mind that he's a slob and he only plays the clean act at home because I force him to. I refuse to live in clutter ya know? Cluttered houses = cluttered minds...I really believe that. Anyway, I hop in his car and shock smacks me in the face. His car is a mess...not just a mess - it's a pig pen. Papers strewn everywhere, empty Dunkin Donut bags on the back seat, books, guitar cleaning lotion, an empty pop can (actually 2) and dirt on every surface. YUK...maybe it's my fault because I should have known better but come on, who can ride in a car like that? Ok, so maybe I over reacted but I'm pregnant and hormonal and gosh darn I feel like hurling so the smell and the dirt and the total lack of sympathy for me was enough to really piss me off. I was fuming most of the way to work but just before we reached my building I apologized for being so dramatic but explained that he knows how much I hate messes. I jokingly said...I love you even though you are a slob. He replies, "I love you even though you are a bitch." Um....what? Ok, so that's like he nicest thing anyone's ever said to me - NOT. I'm pretty sure he regretted the words just as soon as they slipped past his lips, maybe it was the look of shock on my face or it could have been the tears that instantly sprung from my eyes. I'm not usually a crier but geez...that really wasn't nice was it? The thing that bothered me most is that if I was really a biatch I could handle it...but I know I'm not. I put up with more crap then most women I know.

He probably didn't mean it right? He tried to apologize as I swiftly removed my 'bitchy arse' from the car but the damage was done and words are like nails pounded into a smooth piece of wood...even if you pry them back out the holes still remain ruining the surface forever. I'm sure this moment will pass and hopefully he'll try to make it up to me but the truth is that no matter how many times someone tells you they are sorry you still remember, it still hurts. There are just some things you cannot take back - even if you want to.

I hope y'all have a wonderful weekend...wish me luck on this hormonal roller coaster.

16 Comments:

  1. k o w said...
    I always use the term bitch in a loving way. Honestly. She doesn't see it like that but what can I do.
    For example... "Your a sexy bitch!" I'll say and I catch shit for it.
    Christine said...
    I'm holdin' on for this is gonna be one wild ride, huh? ;)

    I have found that if someone is retaliating, even if only 1% is my part in it, I make amends for my part. Bet he's hormonal too--

    Have a great making up kind of weekend NWC
    keda said...
    now i like being called a 'sexy bitch'. in fact thats the sexy equivalent of being called 'extraordinarily beautiful'.

    he was trying to joke with you babe i'm sure, by meeting kind with kind. but as he was probably still a little upset that you bitched him out after he offered to help you, it came out sounding bad!
    i know you don't want to hear this but we can very occasionally get pmt'ish and very over sensitive when preggers as i'm SURE you know.

    he didn't mean it as you took it, but his car his mess. and noone's in a good mood when someone slags em off in the morning!

    let it go. and remember you can always get your own back during labour when he will have to by LAW put up with any insults you may wish to hurl at him!!
    whoami929 said...
    Sweetie, I think you need to relax just a bit. Although, if someone would've said that to me during my most hormonal times I probably would've skinned him alive. Don't worry honey! Soon you'll have that pregnancy glow! Once the vomiting and crying stops. ;)
    Networkchic said...
    I know you are all right...most times I let stuff like that slide right off my back but my gosh, the hormones make you into someone completely different. He did email and apologize and asked if we could start our day over tonight...thank goodness we have the power to do that. Ok,now I'm off to eat some saltines.
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    I get up every morning lately and ask God to SHUT MY MOUTH. Really. I don't have hormones to blame though........ can I borrow yours???? I've just got a mouth lately. and it usually take some one popping back at me to make me realize what I'm doing. I hope your day and weekend gets better!
    AAwoken said...
    Hormones, definitely. I recommend a book called "You Can't Make Me Angry" Paul O.

    I can't say for sure but he probably was kidding.
    kimmyk said...
    Aw. People say stuff all the time without thinking. God knows I did it this week twice and I have felt horrible about it everyday since. A track coach asked me if I wanted to time the runners at my sons track meet..and the only thing I could say was "Oh GOD no!" And she looked at me and walked away. In my head I was screaming "Oh GOD no, I'll screw it up!" but didn't get it all out there. I've felt horrible since Wednesday about that.

    I'm sure your SO feels the same way. I'd milk this one for all it's worth LOL. I hope you feel better though...and have a great weekend !
    Shannon said...
    here is a hug... ( --- )
    ok if it were me and the husband I have not said that to me I would be hurt and shocked as well and maybe hold on to it for a few days but because of what we have together, and me (most of the time) am willing to look at my part and be understanding I would let it go...

    NOw when I was with my daughters father 6+ years ago, he called me The "C" word... and that hit my psycho button, I was furious!!! BUT he is SUCH an ass anyway, I let it go for me, not him
    so it depends on you, and your relationship with you man...

    in my opinion... but what do I know

    I do know I wish you a good day!
    Tab said...
    Hormones are so wierd :P
    Hold on and enjoy the ride
    best ya can:)

    Have a fab'weekend.
    Thanks for sharing ~
    Caterpillar said...
    oh NWC, you really do have hormones rushing all over!!! I have to admit that I laughed a little while reading this, but only because I know the feeling so so so well!

    I hope all is okay now. And I feel a little bad for your s.o. - go easy on him! And speaking as a messy person, the fact that he keeps the house uncluttered for you says so much, so his having his little area to be happily messy should be okay :)

    And there should never be a qualifier to "I love you", even as a joke - we all know it can still hurt.

    I send you a hug!
    NML said...
    Ooh it sounds like hormone central and inconsiderate male land. {{{hugs}}} Have a nice weekend x
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    cluttered house = cluttered mind / i couldn't agree more but unfortunately with three teenage girls.......OMG...i don't even want to go there. but let's see pretty soon you will have two babies and then they will get older and then.....
    icu,
    jj
    ps; thanks for your kind words on my blog. life does suck sometimes
    WDKY said...
    It's all been said, so I won't repeat it... well, not all of it :-)

    Don't dwell, it was early in the morning, and he was just reacting. On another morning, perhaps when you didn't feel like hurling, you'd just have thanked him for the ride. Anyway, hope you're feeling better and are having a nice weekend, sweetheart.
    Lori said...
    I've always believed that words are very powerful. I have said to my kids many times, "You can't help what you think or how you feel, but you can help what crosses your lips." I've always tried to be very careful because words, unfortunately, DO live on long after the feeling passes.

    With that said, understand that he probably WAS just reacting to what you said and that though it was probably meant jokingly, it came out sounding pretty bad. Talk it out, forgive each other, vow to be kind to one another and move ahead with your wonderful life!
    Da Gal said...
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NWC}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I hope your day improved and the scar from the harsh words heals in due time. Good for you for putting it out here though and acknowledging the pain and the tears were real.

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