5/10/2006
Lately I've been scared. Not scared of the dark or monsters under my bed. Scared that when I have another child my dear sweet Alice will somehow feel left out. I know my fear is not unique as I'm sure many parents feel the exact same thing but still, it's there in the pit of my stomach every single day. When Alice was born I remember saying to myself, "I will never love another human being as much as I love this child." I love Alice with every fiber of my being and so I'm slightly confused as to how I will welcome another child into my life and love them just as much. I know in reality that things will be fine, I will love this new child every bit as much as I love Alice but will she know that? Will she question whether she's been replaced or that she isn't as special anymore? My heart breaks inside when I think of those things crossing her beautiful mind. People tell me that I'll need to pay special attention to her and make her feel needed - which I'll do. But can I ensure that she will always know how special she is to me and when I do that will I be taking something away from my new child? So many questions. I know people do this all the time...have multiple children, but for me it's a first so forgive me if I'm still trying to figure it all out. Will I be as full of love for the second child as I was for the first? Will I be as scared that somehow I'll mess them up like my parents unknowingly messed me up? I thought that having your first child was the toughest part but now I'm not so sure, so far this doesn't seem easier.
I wonder at what point I'll have it all figured out? Does that ever happen?
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You will love them both with every piece of your being and that will never change for they are your children, they are you.
But I have a feeling Alice will know, you are a good mom I can tell how you talk about her and dealing with her.. she will know and you will feel reassured as it happens...
have a good day.. sending you a hug and congrats again
Becoming pregnant is a gift within itself and you are very worthy of this precious lil package that you are loving already.
Everyday I look at them and pray I dont become my mother and in turn hurt them like i had been growing up....it's a struggle somedays to be the best mom i can be...but i try and when i fail i brush myself off and try again.
I can't imagine a life without both of them....they completely blow me away.....everyday i love them both more than the day before....equally.
for me first child, first love
2nd child sweeter love
I never saw anyone ever make his little brother smile so bright or laugh so hard--