5/10/2006

just some thoughts

Lately I've been scared. Not scared of the dark or monsters under my bed. Scared that when I have another child my dear sweet Alice will somehow feel left out. I know my fear is not unique as I'm sure many parents feel the exact same thing but still, it's there in the pit of my stomach every single day. When Alice was born I remember saying to myself, "I will never love another human being as much as I love this child." I love Alice with every fiber of my being and so I'm slightly confused as to how I will welcome another child into my life and love them just as much. I know in reality that things will be fine, I will love this new child every bit as much as I love Alice but will she know that? Will she question whether she's been replaced or that she isn't as special anymore? My heart breaks inside when I think of those things crossing her beautiful mind. People tell me that I'll need to pay special attention to her and make her feel needed - which I'll do. But can I ensure that she will always know how special she is to me and when I do that will I be taking something away from my new child? So many questions. I know people do this all the time...have multiple children, but for me it's a first so forgive me if I'm still trying to figure it all out. Will I be as full of love for the second child as I was for the first? Will I be as scared that somehow I'll mess them up like my parents unknowingly messed me up? I thought that having your first child was the toughest part but now I'm not so sure, so far this doesn't seem easier.

I wonder at what point I'll have it all figured out? Does that ever happen?

10 Comments:

  1. Michelle said...
    You will love the second child as much as the first, but that first one will always hold a special place in your heart. Alice was a new stage in your life, a new begining, a new experience, she gave you something that no one had or ever could give you agian.
    You will love them both with every piece of your being and that will never change for they are your children, they are you.
    Shannon said...
    I betcha Alice will be so excited and love her little brother (or sister) have a feeling its boy) thats my prediction, hope thats ok : )
    But I have a feeling Alice will know, you are a good mom I can tell how you talk about her and dealing with her.. she will know and you will feel reassured as it happens...
    have a good day.. sending you a hug and congrats again
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    My oldest was 3 1/2 when his little brother came along...... and he was SO ready to have someone to play with and SOOO ready to be a big brother, that he would have to 'share' me or my love & attention never even came up. He practically put on his Big Brother cape (like superman) and hasn't taken it off since! Its been 7 years! and my oldest is still 'let me help him, let me show him, we'll go together'.... they are two peas in a pod. Big Brother and the Little Shadow that wnats to go everywhere with him and be just like him. Its wonderful. A match made in heaven. I think you'll get the same thing. and I love them both with all my heart.
    Da Gal said...
    NWC - I don't have children of my own so consider that with what I am to say... I don't think you have to figure this out. I think your HP will give you everything you need to do the best job you can and Alice will always be your first born and have that place in your heart. I know and trust that you have enough love to make this whole world go round.

    Becoming pregnant is a gift within itself and you are very worthy of this precious lil package that you are loving already.
    Da Gal said...
    Oh... one more thing. Don't forget to take lots of pictures of the second born. I know its silly... but its annoying to go through family photos and see 4 xs as many pictures of my older bro. :)
    kimmyk said...
    Your heart will grow to the size of a watermelon you will have so much love in it. You'll be amazed at the capacity in which you love your children.

    Everyday I look at them and pray I dont become my mother and in turn hurt them like i had been growing up....it's a struggle somedays to be the best mom i can be...but i try and when i fail i brush myself off and try again.

    I can't imagine a life without both of them....they completely blow me away.....everyday i love them both more than the day before....equally.
    WDKY said...
    Trust me, darling... it won't be a proble, for you, or for Alice. And wait until you see them play together, hold hands, kiss... damn, I think I might want more :-)
    Christine said...
    no, it doesn't ever happen that we get to figure it out.

    for me first child, first love
    2nd child sweeter love

    I never saw anyone ever make his little brother smile so bright or laugh so hard--
    NML said...
    It seems strange now but less than a second after the new baby appears it will feel like the most normal thing in the world.
    Lori said...
    I remember wondering some of these same things. Before her brother was born, I bought my daughter a little doll which she brought to the hospital. She wasn't sure what to think of her new baby brother, but she quickly found that it was wonderful to have a sibling. They were incredibly close as tiny children, coming up with the most creative and wonderful things together. And now, at 14 and 16, they are best friends. I cannot imagine what either of their lives would have been like w/out the other. And I cannot imagine not having either one. No worries, network. That's the great thing about love: you never have to pick and choose..and it never runs out.

Post a Comment