5/09/2006

let yourself be loved

I've read a lot of posts lately about relationships and how scary they are. I've noticed confessions about how some want to be in a 'couple' but they are too scared either because they think they've forgotten how to be in one or because they are afraid of being hurt. I've been in that 'place' more than once in my life, you know - the one where you keep shouting "leave me alone," and then suddenly you wake up one day and realize everyone actually listened. The worst thing about being alone is that it never happens when you really want it or need it to. Some of us get so good at pushing others out of our life that we completely forget how to let them back in. Once, I got so good at telling everyone that I didn't want a relationship and that I enjoyed being alone, that I actually started to believe it myself. I believed it so much that when the right man came along, the one who actually treated me like the princess I am, I ignored him. I even went so far as to set him up with all my friends and even when they asked me why I didn't keep him for myself I'd reply, "I don't want to get involved." The real truth was that I was scared to death of being hurt. If you never let people close enough to actually touch you in the places that matter most, those places stay safe - don't they? Not really. The funny thing is that every time I'd meet a great guy I'd find so much fault with him that it was damn near impossible to like him. My mother used to tell me that if you look hard enough and long enough for the flaws in people - you will surely find them.

So how did I stop being so 'single'? I stopped being so scared. I told someone yesterday that the scary part is not letting someone in - it's keeping them out. You have to let yourself be loved, first by yourself and then - by someone else.

12 Comments:

  1. markis said...
    that's so very nice
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    I agree.... not letting them in is scary..... and today, the door is open, maybe not to ALL the rooms, but at least people are getting in! : )
    Michelle said...
    Your post really hits home, I have and still do put a wall up. However I did let my b/f in almost 3 years ago and do not regret it at all. I have a few close friends, but other than that the wall is still there trying to keep the evil out that exists in the world today. But in the end, the biggest fear is being alone and being hurt is the chance you take to advoid being alone.
    Rex said...
    Loving myself and letting others love me has been a huge challenge....but there is progress.
    Tab said...
    No one should be alone for long because they are afraid of loving another.We live,we love,sometimes we lose and sometimes we are happier than we could ever have imagined in our wildest dreams.

    Just never know unless you try it~
    Da Gal said...
    Sometimes I think you have a window to my heart NWC. I have been in this place for oh let me see... 15 years. This past year I was told by someone close to me what you just said basically and since then I've behaved differently. Now I have someone very wonderful on the horizon and I am enjoying every moment of getting to know him. I truly am blessed and all I had to do was learn to love myself first. Thanks for posting this.
    Caterpillar said...
    I like reading the comments and seeing that I'm not alone in this struggle.

    Thank you. :) You always know how to put things such that they hit home, and I love that you share your wisdom!
    NMAMFQLMSH said...
    Wow..what a post. I'm slowly learning the difference between being alone and being lonely. I also believe I will never find true love again or if I ever found it in the first place. O.K. I'm getting depressed and this is a bummer comment.
    You are beautiful my sista - stay true to your heart.
    I see you.
    k o w said...
    Well said, very well said.
    Sky said...
    I had my walls up this past go around and wish I would have kept them up. It's so hard to know when to let the walls down. Do we just accept the fact that we may get hurt and enjoy the day? Or do we take precautions to make sure we don't get hurt? I don't know anymore. After this last one, I have considered starting the list of names for the 100 cats I will have when I am 70...lol.
    e.e. said...
    Its the old cliche, isn't it... "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all..."
    ...this post, let yourself be loved... is so hard for me to read.
    ...because its not me sometimes not letting myself be loved... it it often HIM. Putting up HIS walls, pushing me back.
    When it IS me... you are right.
    Finding me in the loneliness is sometimes not pretty.
    Loving me is sometimes the hardest part.
    Does that make sense?
    NML said...
    Very well said. Fear is a debilitating thing that will tinge or even ruin many experiences. Often what we fear is never anywhere near as bad as we think it will be. Quite the opposite! I always say exhale, embrace and enjoy!

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