Some Words...

Have you ever had someone love you unconditionally? I'm talking about REALLY love you no matter what you did? I have...and it changes you.

I think I've searched my whole life for that person (besides my mom) that would love me regardless of how I looked, what I did, or how I acted. You meet people, you fall in love, BUT it's always conditional. Sometimes they still love you even though you look like crap when you wake up in the morning with dark circles under your eyes, hair sticking out every which way, a huge zit on your chin, and breath that smells like rotten garbage, BUT will they continue to love you if you really screw up? What if you just hit rock bottom, you have no money, no job, no sense of anything. Will they love you then? Will they love you even if you are mean and say horrible things? Will they love you even when you find it hard to love yourself? Most people search for this kind of anomaly and never find it. I'm here to tell you that you can find it, in a child. It's the most wonderful thing in the world to know that every day my daughter will wake up loving me, regardless of what I do for her. Even when she's a horrible teenager and she thinks she hates me, she'll love me. She'll love me no matter what, just like I love my mom no matter what. Sometimes I think how wonderful it is that a child can love unconditionally...but then I remember all the stories I read in the newspaper about parents that don't deserve that honor. Many children are abused and neglected by their parents every day of their life, yet the child still loves them. Knowing this almost makes me wish that my child learn to love 'conditionally' because it's what protects us from being abused. I want her not to love me if I neglected or abused her (this would never happen). I want her to make people (even myself) deserve her love. I want her to know that loving someone conditionally is ok. Am I bad for thinking this way? It kind of makes me a hypocrite doesn't it...wanting to be loved unconditionally yet wanting to teach my daughter to love conditionally? Maybe I'm trying to protect her, maybe it's how I've learned to protect myself. Maybe it's just the way of the world. Maybe if we ever get to the point where we live in a perfect world, we can all love each other unconditionally.