Some Words...

I decided to start blogging so I could be cool like my other friends. I used to always be the one who started the trends but since becoming a mom, my 'cool' skills seem to be falling by the wayside. I want sweetpea to have a cool mom...so here I am posting a blog for all the world to see (well not all the world, but at least the parts of it that matter to me).

I had a bit of trouble trying to come up with a catchy name. I consider myself creative and imaginative but trying to find the right title to capture my true self yet at the same time sounding 'cool' is really hard. Then I thought about the one phrase that seemed to capture the action I spent the majority of my life performing...backwards motion. Always repeating your mistakes over and over and never taking steps forward. Well that was my life, or at least it was until I had a baby. Some people consider having a baby out of wedlock a mistake, a step in the wrong direction, but for me, I consider it to be the biggest step towards 'something' that I've ever taken in my life. It was the first time I'd ever taken a step without selfish reasons. It was so scary, but I did it, and I'd like to think I did it well.

So it's a good place to start a blog isn't it...not from the beginning of my life but from the beginning of the place where I actually stopped the 'backwards motion'. It's sort of funny if you knew me before my 'mommy' days. I was selfish, I was a bad girl, I was independent, and I didn't have much time for a family. I'm a changed person, much to the thanks of my beautiful daughter and the man who gave her to me.

I'm 37, wow that seems so old when I type it out on the screen. I have a 17 month old daughter who just happens to be the most beautiful girl in the world (just ask her fan club). I have a wonderful man in my life who isn't my husband. Oh how morally wrong, I know you are thinking it, it's so...80's. Well, it wasn't by choice, ok maybe it was, but now my choice is changing. I want to be married, I want the picket fence, I want, I want, I want. Hey, it's not selfish. Honestly, in my 37 years of living, wanting the picture perfect family is the most unselfish thing I've ever wanted. I want it for my daughter, I want it for myself, I want it for my man...let's call him 'volley'. We met through a sport we both love, volleyball. He was the quiet, tall, dark, and handsome guy that got placed on my team. He was shy, a trait that normally didn't attract me. I tended to go for those loud mouth types, you know the obnoxious ones that let their presence be known all over the room? Well volley was different. He was soft spoken, so much so that I kept having to say 'excuse me' because I couldn't hear him. He was hot though so I didn't mind straining my ears to listen to him. I was pretty sure he liked me so I turned on the Irish charm, determined to get him to ask me out. Unfortunately some other 'player' on our team had different ideas and he quickly warned me off volley by saying he was just out of a relationship and was still 'healing'. So...I backed off. Instead of pursuing 'volley' for myself, I did what any normal person would do, I set him up with my friends instead. Stupid, yeah go ahead and say it. But, I honestly think that if it didn't go this way, we would have never found our way back to each other. Volley was a bit too 'engineery' for me. He was hot, but I thought he lacked the usual criteria I strived for. It wasn't until I saw him play the guitar and sing that I realized what a dumbass I'd been. He wasn't only hot, he was a musician. Just to clue you in on my biggest weakness, it's musicians. Luckily my friends didn't see just how great volley was, so I was able to sneak back into the picture and dazzle him with my charm. It worked better than planned because 7 months after we started dating, I got pregnant. Ok, that part wasn't in my plans, in fact it was the furthest thing from my plan. It worked out though, because we're still together and we have this amazing child who is the perfect blend of her father and mother.

So, you now know the brief history which lead me down the path to least...destruction...I mean blogging. I'll try to keep up on this blog because my life is so interesting...honestly it is. Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I don't have a lot to contribute to these gossip columns. Just wait...you'll be begging me for more.

'Til next time...