8/22/2006

disappointment

When you are pregnant, you can think of nothing but having your own body to yourself again. To be able to sleep in any position you want without someone kicking you. To eat what you want without fear of heartburn. To walk farther than a block without your back aching from the distance. But after giving birth you realize that the biggest part of you is now somehow, external. You'll spend the rest of your life trying to figure out a way to keep your child close enough for comfort and most times you'll fail.

In my life there have been many moments filled with disappointment. Hopes and dreams broken by fate, fading into the background because life just has a way of doing that to a person. Although I managed to survive and somehow come out the other side while keeping some part of myself in tact, I never wanted to experience disappointment through someone else's eyes. There's something about watching a child hope for something, then witnessing that same light fade from their eyes, that can break your heart in an instant. I know it's part of growing up, part of being human - to experience disappointment. But why? Why do people make promises they cannot keep? A promise is a contract right? Why do so many people care so little, so much so that they are willing to disappoint a child? Maybe it's because the person breaking the promise is rarely the same person who has to stand in front of that child and watch the hope flee from their eyes.

I want to protect my children. I want them to hope for things and to never be afraid that having faith in something, costs too much. I'm just not really sure I know how to teach that lesson. How can I tell someone else how to have faith when so often I have so little? People disappoint you. People break promises. Are these lessons I want my children to learn? Maybe the lesson is really for us, not for them. Maybe we need to learn what making a promise means.

7 Comments:

  1. Michelle said...
    You can only protect your child from so much. At some point in time you have to let them go a little to learn who they are.
    With out the bad there would not be good. We have to experience the bad in order to appreciate the good. Most disappointment comes from high expectations not broken promises.
    Lex-Sunshine said...
    I think my children have learned who they can, and who they can not have faith and trust in..... and they learn that from the disappointments.... I can lower my expectations of other people AND I can make sure that I am my word, so I don't disppoint others.....

    thank you for sharing.
    WDKY said...
    I think that whole "letting go" things is one of the hardest. And unfortuanately, our children will suffer knocks along the way, and they will get hurt. there's nothing we can do except be there for them, wipe away the tears, and maybe help them see the lessons to be learnt.
    Caterpillar said...
    I don't have children yet but I'm sure it will kill me just like it does you to see that disappointment. For now though, I will take this as a little reminder to always try my hardest at keeping my promises, and when I'm thinking of not keeping one I'll try to remember to not be selfish and instead think of how it will possibly hurt someone.
    kimmyk said...
    It's such a hard job being a parent...but gosh the rewards? Far outweigh the hardships if you ask me.

    I love being a mom...but it's emotionally draining at times to see what life dishes out.
    NML said...
    I think that this is one of those hard tasks. For us to know success and joy, we have to suffer some disappointments. Your kids are fortunate to have you to catch them when they fall and minimise their disappointments.
    Christine said...
    life's lessons can be harsh sometimes.

    it is realistic to know that not everyone keeps their promises or agreements and to be careful about expectations cause I've come to know that with expectations come disappointments and its been a long road learning that instead of having that lesson when I was young.

    We can protect our chiildren by giving them the tools to help them live life on life's terms--but we can't protect them from life

    nor can I protect myself from how I will feel might feel if they are hurt or disappointed--

    have missed you--guess we both have been busy--

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