7/07/2006

my flaws

When I was a child I wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. I actually got pretty darn close...I competed and won 1st in the State Meet 4 times, I won Nationals twice and once I actually competed against Mary Lou Retton and came in 2nd place on the beam. I was on my way to trying out for the National Gymnastics team when the summer before try-outs I blew out my knee for the 3rd time. It's strange that although it happened so many years ago, when I was 14 to be exact, it still feels like a part of me is stuck in that moment where the doctor told my parents that if I injured it again I could end up on crutches for the rest of my life. At fourteen I wanted to take the chance because when you are young you feel invincible like nothing can touch you and life seems full of endless possibilities. I'm not exactly sure when it was that the invincible feeling subsided and the fear set in. I'm not exactly sure when life changed from being full of endless possibilities to being filled with endless lessons that I'd have to learn over and over again. Some say it's all part of growing up, the learning thing that is...but why is it that each time I learn a lesson the possibilities seem anything but endless? There is still a part of me that wants to be up on that podium in front of thousands of people while a medal is placed around my neck. I want someone to pat me on the back and say, "Good job networkchic here's a medal for your efforts." Sounds dumb doesn't it? But sometimes we need someone to notice how far we've come, how much crap we've waded through, how strong we are despite circumstance. I know recognition shouldn't matter but if I'm honest with myself, it does hold a tiny bit of importance in my life. Maybe that makes me shallow or flawed but honestly I think it makes me human. Sometimes it's really ok to be that way, a human with flaws.

8 Comments:

  1. Caterpillar said...
    I think it's completely natural to want recognition, to be told that you are wonderful and amazing, especially because of all you went through earlier in your life.

    I know you don't know me personally (yet) but I find you to be oftentimes awe-inspiring. You touch my heart with your stories, and I am amazed by your strength - and even though you're still dealing with things and healing, you have learned to love yourself and love others, to let others in, and you make the world a better place in so many ways - and that's coming enormously far from what you started out with!

    I think this every time that I read one of your posts - you are wonderful and completely amazing, and so strong but also learning that it's okay to be soft sometimes, too.

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
    Tab said...
    Well, last I saw, MaryLou Reton went on to be in Kotex commercials anyways.

    I can hardly see this as a flaw by any means Net.Everyone wants some kind of aknowledgement for thier life efforts.The best place I find my rewards honestly, are in the eyes of the people who simply love me for who I am.I think YOU are beautiful Net :)
    Great post.
    WDKY said...
    Wow - I'm really impressed! But, as it happens, you get that recognition every day - from us, on here. We love the person youare, and see so many of your strengths.

    Darling, you just have to see then yourself now... have a lovely weekend x
    Christine said...
    good job NWC--

    for being a part of us---humans with flaws

    love you!
    Hope your weekend was grand--
    CeeCi said...
    It's the need for validation and recognition that fuels the flames of our achievements. Those needs keep us going, keep us dreaming, keep us working, keep us human, keep us humble.

    Each of us that has commented to your words is a mirror. Look into the glass, my dear, we all see and recognize your beauty and your worth. It's your turn now.

    ~Hugs!~
    k o w said...
    What Ceeci said was what I was thinking I just didn't have the words.
    e.e. said...
    "...being filled with endless lessons that I'd have to learn over and over again."
    Well, yes indeed, we are all human, aren't we?
    And, that's okay!
    I wonder if this is just what life is, anyway... these endless lessons. Sometimes I feel like I need to be hit by a baseball bat to "get it."
    But I am finding as I get older the lessons learned do come easier.
    Acceptance comes a little easier.
    Appreciation and laughter means so much more, too...
    keda said...
    baby i'll give you a medal.

    but you've already got lots.
    you have an amazing daughter.
    you have a baby growing inside you.
    you have a husband you love.
    you have friends.
    you have virtual friends.

    all medals. all proof of your worth and your achievements.

    congratulations! you struck gold ;)

    (though i know how you feel :) )

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