Some Words...

After being 'stuck in the moment' yesterday and many days before that I actually started thinking about the things that lead up to that moment and the things that followed it like a dog chasing it's tail. Moments do not exist like an enigma, separate from everything else, they exist because of everything else. The thing I realized yesterday is although I thought I was stuck in just one moment, I was actually stuck in many. Sometimes we put blinders on and all we can see is what's right in front of us. We don't ask questions - we make assumptions. Assumptions that we know why things happen or why they don't, but in reality most of us have selective memories. Some of us remember only the bad because we believe it's shaped who we are. Some of us remember only the good because we're in denial that bad things happened at all. I wrote a post a while back named 'Remembering makes you free' and I had forgotten the words I spoke, I'd missed my own advice. Last night I remembered things, some good - some bad and you know what? Today I feel lighter, maybe not any more enlightened as to why things were the way they were, but definitely lighter. Isn't it strange how heavy moments can become? Sitting on top of your shoulders whispering in your ear, "remember me?" I've never been good at laying those burdens down but I really want to try to change. I'm not sure how to begin but I suppose a first step is to write those thoughts down, make them as real as they were when they happened. It's painful to remember isn't it? But not remembering can be just as harmful.

So for a few moments beyond this one...I'm going to write about some things I thought I'd forgotten. Things I should remember so that I truly can move past them. I hope that's ok...that I let you into those secret places that even I had forgotten about. You know...today is 04-05-06 and they say it's an occurence that will never happen again in our lifetime. I think today I'm going to do something special to mark the occasion, I'm going to 'unstick' myself from the moments that came before this one. This moment right now, it's my new starting point.