10/16/2006

the darkness

Have you ever been afraid of the dark? I don't think I'm like most people because it's not the darkness I'm afraid of, it's the light. It's the sun shining down on the parts of me I've kept hidden so that, well, they are not a secret anymore. To me, the darkness has always been my night light, casting shadows on the things that scare me so I don't have to see them. When I turn off the light I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders because when it's 'light outside' the burden of 'appearances' lay heavily upon me. In the light people can see your flaws, the ones you've worked so hard to conceal and no matter how hard you try to flee underground where the light cannot penetrate, somehow your feet can never take you there fast enough.

Someone told me once, "darkness may seem like the only place you can be yourself when really it's the place you pretend not to be yourself." God I've gotten good at pretending.

Maybe tomorrow I'll plug-in that princess night-light. Hey, you have to start small right?

9 Comments:

  1. lash505 said...
    The darkness is peaceful too me..
    Anonymous said...
    Girl, you've got more baggage than United Airlines!
    Networkchic said...
    Well Anon, once again you come by and give your opinion without the courage to show who you are. Yes I have a lot of baggage but that's what happens when you live life - you end up with baggage. If you've been so lucky as to make it through this life without any, well then you must be living in a place I like to refer to as "Never Never land."
    Anonymous said...
    I agree that most of us have at least some baggage that comes from experiences we've had and mistakes we've made, but I'm not the one who is hiding. I have real friends, not "blog" friends who know my real name and see all of me, not just pieces I decide to post on the Internet. They know the reality of my life and not a one-sided picture where I am the victim and the hero in my own fairy tale. You're kind of a martyr, aren't you? It's a lot easier to share your feelings with strangers who read your blog because they only see what you want them to see. They tell you how great you and you get all the affirmation you crave in your real life. No wonder you like the dark.
    keda said...
    oooh baby.. you adopted an evil troll! cool. can we feed it?
    or should we just observe and laugh at it's stunted existence?

    no you are right that would be mean. and we don't really need to stoop now do we... as we all have the joy that comes with having real life friends and lovers and family, and the ability to write an effect others positively through our words and reflections too.

    blessed we are in the light or dark that we can reach out and ponder our stuff without hurting anyone.

    and without needing too.

    yes. observe, question and learn. that's definately the way to go.
    live large sweetie.

    and get the affirmation through the good and bad. it's a rocky road, but a good one. and i love that you keep me thinking.

    i personally prefer the light. but i can kick darknesess butt anyday :)
    keda said...
    ....even if i can't spell. eek.
    kimmyk said...
    I welcome the darkness. It's the only time I can think.

    It's what's in the dark at times that makes me pause.
    Anonymous said...
    From what I can tell from your posts it is going to take a lot more than darkness to hide your flaws.
    Christine said...
    I too have been afraid of the light---I try now to see it as sunlight of the spirit oh heck--I'm afraid of the dark too and keep hoping to find the guiding stars---they are out there, right?

    have missed you

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