In the back of my mind

In the back of my mind I remember my dad is an alcoholic; It's not really something you can forget even if you've tried your whole life. The past few years it's been OK, meaning he hasn't made any of his drunken calls expressing his love for me and for the most part he doesn't even drink when I'm around. I know it's not a cure but him drinking less sometimes is the straw that doesn't break the camel's back. Some things you learn to accept either because you have no choice or you've thrown away so much time and energy trying to change them that there just isn't enough fight left in you to do anything else. So, there I was not even thinking about my dad's disease and he calls me - drunk. Even though it's been at least 2 years since he's done that, the old familiar sickness in the pit of my stomach came rushing back as if it was just moments ago. My dad means well, he calls to tell me he loves me when he's sober too (which lately has been more often than not), but for some reason he doesn't get it. Love means nothing to me when it's being recited through an alcoholic channel. I stop listening. I stop wanting to exist in the same realm. Basically I run and hide inside myself because in there, the world is much safer.

If I were twenty, I'd call my dad up and chew him out for putting me through that again, but I'm forty now. At forty, my days of preaching seem to be far behind. I keep wondering at what age his disease will stop bothering me? At what age will I stop rationalizing his 'moment of weakness' up against the ones where he fails miserably? At what age will I just stop expecting him to be any different than I know he is? Maybe that age has passed and I forgot to take note of it. Maybe it will never come.


  1. e.e. said...
    Even now, with my mother passed on, the times she spent drinking and wrecking havok in the household still comes back to me.
    It all comes back at the moments I certainly don't expect as well, like, when trying to sign up to be a big sister, they grill you about your past and your family, and then you try to be honest but it's all still there like a bad stain in your best suit...
    So I don't think it ever stops, no matter what age we are, and even when the person is gone.
    At that point, I start feeling guilty feeling angry because my mom is gone and there is still nothing I can do about it all.
    Lori said...
    Though I've never experienced this, I imagine it is something that never completely goes away. We never stop wanting what is best for those we love, and for them to be healthy and whole in every way. The only thing you can do is to break that cycle yourself...and to show your own family the blessings of your unconditional and steadfast love for them.
    MICKY said...

    12 Step Programs are "satanic", mind altering, "cults"....they are wrong, bad, evil, dangerous & above all....anti Christ!!

    Recognizing “Groupthink”
    Singer (cult expert) stresses that all cults are based firstly on a thought reform program Such programs aim to dilute people’s individuality, change their core belief systems and alter their concept of themselves. This is done by imposing a “totalistic ideology” which “explains everything” Such groups will say they are “THE WAY”, the “ONLY WAY” be it in religion, science, self-help, psychotherapy or politics.

    Lifton (cult expert) points out that "included in this mystique is a sense of ‘higher purpose’, of ‘having directly perceived some imminent law of social development’, of being themselves the vanguard of this development" Consequently, all other groups are charlatans, shams, impostors, degenerate, etc. Normally they have authoritarian leaders and lieutenants at all levels and/or they venerate the works of dead leaders to justify their totalistic ideology and actions. Not choosing the group’s Way will usually lead to humiliation, damnation or death. To achieve this they such a phenomenon members undergo what has been called “brainwashing”, “mind control” in order to achieve “Groupthink”.

    MICKY said...
    Filed under: Rants — spedman @ Jun 22nd, 2007
    My Dear Steve,
    When you think about Alcoholics Anonymous you think of a group that helps those with an addiction break the habit and become sober. You think of a program that betters someone with an addiction to alcohol.

    What you do not think is cult. The truth is alcoholics anonymous is simply a cult, one of the longest lasting ones at that. Throughout this paper I will prove to you just that.

    Alcoholics Anonymous was created by two alcoholics by the names of William Wilson and Dr. Bob in 1935. They wrote books on the subject and gathered at arranged meetings every week to talk about there addiction. The program grew from there and they recruited many people with the enticing opportunity of becoming sober once again. The problem is the program is so flawed and non-effective it is almost impossible to become sober using its set rules and guidelines.

    Alcoholics Anonymous still uses these books as there doctrine today, even though they have proven not effective. How can a program be created around guidelines written by two men who continually fell back into alcoholism? I see no way it can possibly work. Aside from its ineffectiveness, Alcoholics Anonymous runs solely on intimidation, false hopes, and the forced belief in god. Regardless of what Alcoholics denies it is very evident they promote religion.

    As stated above Alcoholics Anonymous denies that they promote religion, yet constantly they say that its members must find god. It seems to me that that is promotion of religion. Federal courts even deemed Alcoholics Anonymous “unequivocally religious.” Through out AA’s history you can find thousands of remarks dealing with religion and even the sole belief that the only thing that matters is the AA program. Everything else must come second to AA. Here are a few things commonly stated at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings; “Alcoholics must turn to god.”, “Choosing to go to AA is choosing to find god.”, “Submission of the individual to the will of god is necessary.”, “Surrender your will to a greater will.”, “If you can not manage yourself turn to god.” If you can not see that those statements are in every way religious I don’t know what will.

    Aside from those statements the two founders often say that the member must rely on the program and the program alone. If you read through there books you will be amazed at some of the things they say, often putting the program above family and other aspects of life. I was truly amazed at this quote from William Wilson; “I decided I must place AA above everything else, even my family, because if I did not maintain sobriety I would lose them anyway.” A man placed the AA program above his family, regardless of the reason that is a very strong sense of commitment. Many AA members read those very same words. If a founder gave up his family, would not a member do the same?
    “But there is one who has all power—the one is god! May you find him now.” Simply put, AA is religious.

    Alcoholics Anonymous as a group does many of the same things dangerous cults like the Manson family or Jones town did. But first we will talk about the founders of AA. Bill Wilson has become idolized. Much like the way everyone in the Manson family did whatever Charlie said without question. His home has become a shrine, and his belongings have become highly sought after items by the 12 step community. Some members even believe that he could possibly have been the reincarnation of Christ. The core members, although they deny having any leaders in AA, are often referred to as “trusted servants.” This label tags these members, the trusted servants, with a great amount of moral authority because the regular AA members believe that these members are representing AA’s history back to Bill W. and even to the Loving God AA obediently serves. Clearly this is cult like behavior!

    Let’s talk about the effectiveness of the program. The twelve step program is NOT effective. If it were not for one leaked document there would not be much proof of to aide these remarks. Alcoholics Anonymous never releases any sort of documentation on the success of rehabilitating alcoholics. So naturally they can say they are the greatest in the world or that they have a 100% success rate. But, in 1989 an internal document was released, and on this document was statistics. It showed that 81% of AA members leave after one month, 90% of AA members leave after three months, 93% of AA members leave after six months, and 95% of AA members leave before twelve months. Alcoholics Anonymous has a success rate of 5%! It gets better. A percentage as small as 5% is considered to be spontaneous. This means that those 5% would have recovered without Alcoholics Anonymous. Let me break it down one more time just to make sure you get it. Success rate with AA: 5%, success rate without AA: 5%.

    A side note, Hospitals gave alcoholics LSD, a hallucinogen type drug, to break down alcohol cravings. This abnormal treatment had a 15% success rate, theoretically proving that LSD is three times more effective at recovering alcoholics then Alcoholics
    Anonymous. A former Alcoholics Anonymous spokes person said; “A majority of AA members slip after one month. Others stay dry up to six months but eventually slip before the twelfth month.” Coming from a former spokesperson I think maybe people should take that into consideration. Another quote fro ma spokesperson; “95% of newcomers do not ever attend a second meeting.” How great can your policy be if you can not even entice people to come more then once? The 5% of people who join AA would quit on there own. No need for the middle man.

    Despite this alarming failure rate, Alcoholics Anonymous claims to be the only path to salvation. Alcoholics Anonymous tells its members that they must accept it’s doctrine despite its discrepancies. The twelve step program provides no methods of quitting, simply to just quit drinking. How many people do you know that can simply quit an addiction? One would think that they would revise there methods to get better results. Instead AA just says their program requires an unquestioning belief in obedience. When the program doesn’t work they just blame the person for failing, it is never AA’s fault.

    The original founders tended to classify alcoholism as a “sin disease”. This is not possible. For one the philosophy of a “sin disease” is not possible in a free society. This is not a country run on religion. Therefore again proving AA to be religious. By slapping the idea of alcoholism being a sin on it’s members it again gains the upper hand and has the ability to control its members by saying anything they want as long as it’s in the name of god. As soon as you go to AA it is very hard to get away. Remember, it is a cult. AA is very possessive. They go to great lengths to bring you back. There are documentations of intimidation tactics being used, continuous phone calls, members often telling you that you will be damned if you do not return. They take growing there ranks very seriously.

    Let’s break AA down. Alcoholics Anonymous is a highly religious group that thrives on the writings of it’s founders and put all of there belief in the writings and the twelve step program. Regardless of if it actually works. The members put the core members and the program above anything else in there lives. If it were necessary for AA to have the deed of their house they would give it to them. They do not second guess anything AA tells them to do, remember it is “gods will.”

    If a member becomes an alcoholic again, it is in no way the programs fault. The program always works as long as the member has total dedication and full belief in the power of “god.”

    Friends, if Alcoholics Anonymous is not a cult I don’t know what is. If you can not see this by reading this paper then by all means go to any of the sources on my work cited paper.

    They have plenty of links and valid information based on Harvard studies and trustworthy sources. You can make your own decision, but it is very evident: Alcoholics Anonymous is unquestionably a cult.

    MICKY said...

    From Bill's Story:
    Co - founder of AA, Bill Wilson's story has been in every edition of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

    With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory.

    To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching -- most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.

    My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"

    That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.

    It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!

    Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.

    The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me. For a brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me -- and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been.

    At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens.

    There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.

    These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden
    and profound.

    For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as I talked.

    Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it. Anything is better than the way you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences. He knows that they are real.

    While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others.

    There is no mention of JESUS CHRIST in the BIG BOOK or the 12 STEPS. Wilson was used by SATAN to delude millions of people.

    John 3:16 (chapter 3, verse 16 of the Gospel of John) is one of the most widely quoted verses from the Christian Bible. It has been called the "Bible in a nutshell" because it is considered a summary of some of the most central doctrines of traditional Christianity:

    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.

    A typical interpretation of the verse might go as follows:
    · For God so loved the world... - God is a God of love and this love motivates his action in the rest of the verse
    · ...that he gave... - there was God giving something, his son as a sacrifice
    · ...his only begotten[1] Son... - the human Jesus of Nazareth is also the Son of God, and also the Second Person of the Trinity
    · ...that whosoever... - that salvation is open to all who will believe
    · ...believeth... - being saved is based on belief or faith, rather than based on human works.
    · ...in Him... - the belief being in Jesus, the Saviour
    · ...should not perish... - implies the fate of those who do not believe, that is the doctrine of hell
    · ...but have everlasting life. - shows the reward of those who believe, that is the doctrine of heaven.

    MICKY said...

    Hello darkness, my old friend,
    Ive come to talk crap again,
    An AA meeting softly creeping,
    Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
    And the 12 Steps that were planted in my brain
    Still remains
    Within the sound of sobriety.

    In restless meetings I walked alone
    Bill Wilson Clones, made of stone
    Neath the halo of an OLD TIMER,
    I turned my collar to the 1st and 3rd Step
    When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
    That split the night
    And touched the sound of sobriety.

    And in the naked light I saw
    Ten thousand STEPPERS, maybe more.
    STEPPERS reading the BIG BOOK,
    STEPPERS hearing without listening,
    STEPPERS writing their 4th STEP
    And no one dared
    Disturb the sound of sobriety.

    Zombies said I, you do not know
    Sobriety like a cancer grows.
    Hear my words that I might BRAINWASH you,
    Take my arms that I might 13th Step you.
    But my words like the higher power fell,
    And echoed
    In the halls of sobriety

    And the STEPPERS ranted and raved
    To the AA god they made.
    And the sign flashed out its warning,
    In the words that it was forming.
    And the sign said, KEEP COMING BACK
    And the 12 STEP ZOMBIES.
    Whispered in the sounds of sobriety.

    MICKY said...

    I imagine 12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with this evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was saved through the power of Jesus Christ.

    He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight.

    I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has destroyed their "brain structure" & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda.

    I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one never recovers'. I beg you people who are in 12 Step programs, to get out before it is too late.

    How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.

    Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given.

    Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:
    Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him.

    Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him.

    Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [BEDPAN].

    Can you see what is happening to you? Ask Jesus to take control of your life, read the Bible & instead of 12 Step groups, go to Church. BURN your BIG BOOK or use it as TOILET PAPER.

    Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court”?

    MICKY said...

    You know, the message the 12 Step Paradigm tells us that we are all just powerless over our addictions, meaningless specks of offal in an endless ocean of space and matter where hydrogen atoms and bacteria of unexplained origin can turn into god as you understand him!!

    Oooo! It’s so exciting and uplifting to be regularly assured by Steppers in all their ineffable knowledge and function is just an accumulation of 1st Century Christianity Buchmanism & Nihilism.

    Oooo! It’s heart-warming, I’ll tell ya. We owe these "messengers" so terribly much that it is difficult to put into words... We can talk to dead people & consult spiritists.

    9 When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. 10 Let no one be found among you who sacrifice his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, 11 or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. 12 Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD, and because of these detestable practices the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you. 13 You must be blameless before the LORD your God [Deuteronomy 18: 9-13]

    Wilson was a “detestable necromancer” who talked to dead people & consulted spiritists. He was “an angel of light” and if you Steppers want what he had, keep going to 12 Step meetings & end up as zombies.

    I beg of you to see the True Light [John 3: 16] & have Eternal Life, not death [12 Steps]

    MICKY said...

    I imagine 12 STEPPERS have sold their souls to the devil. Fortunately, I was saved through the power of Jesus Christ, but for many years had been exposed to the evil “satanic cult” (Alcoholics Anonymous) Wilson (AA) has prostituted himself & deluded many thousands (12 Step Groups) by worshipping the god Moloch (Ba’al the Sacred Bull). It all started with his (Wilson) “drug induced hallucination”….

    Here are references to seances and other psychic events….

    Bill would…”get” these things …long sentences, word by word would come through….” (22)

    , he asked for guidance….The words began tumbling out with astonishing speed….(23)

    So A.A.’s 12 Steps were actually received verbatim from the demonic world. It is not surprising, then, that the effect of A.A. upon many of its members is to lead them into occult involvement. In 1958, Wilson wrote to Sam Shoemaker,

    Throughout A.A., we find a large amount of psychic phenomena, nearly all of it spontaneous. Alcoholic after alcoholic tells me of such experiences… run nearly the full gamut of everything we see in the books.

    In addition to my original mystical experience, I’ve had a lot of such phenomenalism myself.(24)

    Wilson’s “original mystical experience” was his alleged “conversion” –a classic occult encounter: “Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. I was caught up into an ecstasy…it burst upon me that I was a free man…a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, ‘So this is the God of the preachers! ‘ A great peace stole over me….”(25)

    This was not the “God of the preachers” but the one who transforms himself “into an angel of light” (2 Cor 1l:l4)-a light that often transforms those involved in the occult. The experience was so profound that Wilson never touched alcohol again. Satan would he more than willing to deliver a man from alcoholism in this life if thereby he could ensnare him for eternity and inspire him to lead millions to the same destruction!

    Wilson joined the Oxford Group and regularly attended its meetings at Calvary Church (NY), pastored by Episcopalian Sam Shoemaker. Shoemaker urged his hearers to “accept God however they might conceive of him….”(26) Here was the origin of Step 3’s “God as we understood him.” God does not respond to those who call upon false gods. Jesus said, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (Jn 17:3). God’s judgment comes upon them “that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Thes 1:8).

    I will set my face against that man & his family & will cut off from their people both him & all who follow him in prostituting themselves to Molech. I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums & spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, & I will cut him off from his people. (Leviticus 20: 5, 6)

    Moloch the God Ba’al, the Sacred Bull, was widely worshipped in the ancient Near East and wherever Carthaginian culture extended. Baal Moloch was conceived under the form of a calf or an ox or depicted as a man with the head of a bull.

    Hadad, Baal or simply the King identified the god within his cult. The name Moloch is not the name he was known by among his worshippers, but a Hebrew Moloch (in the Septuagint Greek translation of the Old Testament), or Molech (Hebrew), is no different than the word Melech or king, transformed by interposing the vowels of bosheth or ’shameful thing’. translation. The written form.
    He is sometimes also called Milcom in the Old Testament.

    I beg you, to to get out while you can (12 Step) or end up as an emotionally shutdown, raging, shape - shifting, Bill Wilson zombie.

    MICKY said...
    "Hey Bob"

    Hey, hey BOB, my higher power, will always do
    I've waited so long for BOOZE to be through
    BOB, I can't wait to meet you
    My love, my love

    Hey BILL, I've had a BRAINSTORM too
    Hey, hey, hey BILL, I want to meet you too
    If your PROGRAM is true, if you love AA, BILL!!
    The BIG BOOK will always be real
    My love, my love

    AA means planning a life for two
    Being together the whole day through
    True SOBRIETY means waiting and hoping that soon
    WE become "brain dead" zombies
    My love, my love.
    MICKY said...


    Is not the time coming, and the day hastening, when covetous men shall be ashamed of loving the world, and voluptuous men ashamed of loving their pleasures, and ambitious men ashamed of loving their honors?

    For is it not a horrid shame, that a rational creature should be such a sot as to love sin which is most loathsome, and not to love Jesus who is most lovely? to love deformity, and not beauty?

    Oh shame, shame! It is a shame that sin should have such esteem, and Jesus such great contempt put upon him. But shame shall before long confound these now shameless wretches, when they shall cry out, "We are ashamed that we loved profits, and not Jesus- houses, lands, lusts, and not Jesus.

    This is the confusion of our faces, and shame covers us-- that we should be so foolish, and so blind, that we had not sense, nor reason, to distinguish between sin, which is the greatest and most odious evil, and Jesus who is the greatest and most lovely good." But the time will never come, the day will never be, that a gracious soul shall be ashamed of his sincere love to Jesus Christ.

    MICKY said...

    by Debbie Dewart, M.A.

    AA ~ The Broad Road of AA

    "To us, the Realm of the Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive, or forbidding...." Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 46.

    Bible ~ The Narrow Road of Christ

    "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it" (Matt 7:13-14).

    AA ~ Contempt for Sound Doctrine

    "Any number of alcoholics are bedeviled by the dire conviction that if they ever go near AA, they will be pressured to conform to some brand of faith or theology." As Bill Sees It, p. 201.

    Bible ~ Sound Doctrine

    "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine…" (2 Tim 4:3-4).

    AA ~ "God-as-you-understand-Him": Any Name "We suggest that you find a substitute for this destructive power, alcohol, and turn to a Higher Power, regardless of the name by which you may identify that power. We suggest that you turn your will and your life over to God, as you understand Him." The Clergy Ask About Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 9.

    Bible ~ Jesus Christ: No Other Name

    "Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved" (Acts 4:12).

    AA ~ Powerlessness

    "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable" (Step 1).

    Bible ~ Power in Christ

    No believer can claim to be powerless: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philip 4:13).

    AA ~ Spiritual Awakening

    "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…" (Step 12).

    Bible ~ Spiritually Dead in Sin

    Man is spiritually dead, not asleep. He needs resurrection, not awakening. "Even when we were dead in sins, [God] hath quickened us [made us alive] together with Christ" (Eph 2:5).

    AA ~ The "Big Book": AA’s "Bible"

    Portions of the "Big Book," Alcoholics Anonymous, are read "religiously" at every AA meeting, much like Scripture readings at Christian worship services.

    Bible ~ Sufficient for Life & Godliness

    "His divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue" (2 Peter 1:3).

    AA ~ Leadership: "Trusted Servants"

    "Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern" (Tradition 2).

    Bible ~ Leadership: Elders

    AA’s leaders and individual sponsors usurp the role God has ordained for church elders to shepherd and "feed the flock of God which is among you" (1 Peter 5:2).

    AA ~ The "Moral Inventory"

    Step 4 requires a "searching and fearless moral inventory," essentially a detailed catalogue of past sins to be "confessed" to some other person to whom such confession is not biblically due.

    Bible ~ No Condemnation

    As Christians, our sins are fully covered by the blood of Christ. We confess our sins, as appropriate, to God and to those actually sinned against. New believers are nowhere in Scripture required to make a detailed list of all past sins. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus" (Rom 8:1).

    AA ~ "Birthdays"

    BiAA members celebrate annual "birthdays" based on the date of their last drink. They practice a "secular regeneration."ble ~ Regeneration by the Holy Spirit

    Christians celebrate their new birth in Christ.

    AA ~ The Goal: Sobriety

    The goal of AA is abstinence from alcoholic beverages (sobriety). Other sins, such as sexual immorality, are commonly tolerated so long as the AA member isn’t drinking.

    Bible ~ The Goal: Sanctification

    "For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son" (Rom 8:29).

    AA ~ Fellowship/Unity: A Common Sin

    AA’s fellowship is built around the common sin of drunkenness. "Personal recovery depends upon AA unity" (Tradition 1).

    Bible ~ Fellowship/Unity: A Common Salvation "There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all" (Eph 4:4-6).

    AA ~ Carrying "the Message"

    "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs" (Step 12).

    Bible ~ Christian Evangelism

    Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world" (Matt 28:19-20).

    AA ~ Incurable Disease

    AA’s literature is permeated with the dogma, taught faithfully to newcomers, that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." There is no "cure" offered, only continual abstinence from all alcoholic beverages.

    Forgiven Sin

    "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God (1 Cor 6:9-11).

    MICKY said...

    Sobriety is Exhausting

    I have been clean and sober since June 11, 1991. Sometimes thru Grace, and sometimes thru Exhaustive Work.

    Sunday, March 09, 2008

    After much thought, I have decided to turn off the comment section of my blog.

    I find Comment Moderation to be too time consuming, so it is just easier to turn them off.

    I was really enjoying all the comments from Patrick aka David aka Clonnie aka Micky....because I knew it was taking him soooo long to sit there and do it....I visualized a sweating brow and furiously fast fingers. Sorry.....but I get a kick out of that kind of misery in others.

    It was quite simply......amusing.

    But I believe the craziness of it was pushing away some of my readers.

    So until Mickys crack whore mama picks him up from the orphanage ;) .....I am turning off the comments.
    Posted by Pam at 7:45 AM

    MICKY said...
    Dearest Pam,
    Most women use sadness as a "lid" for their anger. Most men use "anger" as a lid for their sadness.

    Do you mention at an AA meeting that the co- founder of AA (Bill Wilson) had a "drug induced" hallucination, but there was no mention of Jesus Christ? If you are a true Christian you should expose the truth about AA.

    You have had your brain structure altered, with Satanism. Bill Wilson was a psychopath; The BIG BOOK is Satanic - no mention of JESUS Christ. The 12 Steps are not in the Bible.

    SPONSOR: A person who promises to give money to a charity if another person completes a task or activity (Oxford Dictionary).

    Sponsoring is all about CONTROL. I have told you before, most "alcoholics" are RAGE-A-HOLICS & CONTROL FREAKS, including yourself. One can support another person, which is totally different from Sponsoring (CONTROLLING).

    Why don't you explore the history of AA - you will then see how SATAN has used Wilson to delude millions of people like yourself. Wilson was a psychopathic, CONTROL FREAK.

    AA doesn't stop you from drinking, GOD does. Your mission in life, Pammy, is to tell others about the SAVING GRACE of our LORD & SAVIOUR, JESUS Christ. Do you mention that when you share at a meeting - the only way to SALVATION is through JESUS CHRIST?

    AA is a dangerous SATANIC CULT, which will eventually send you insane. You can’t serve two masters, Pammy? AA or JESUS CHRIST? I have had more experience than you have (30 years) so I know what I'm talking about.

    Satan (AA) will give you the illusion that you are doing well, but (AA) will eventually "devour you," if you don't have the "full armour” of GOD.

    Get out now, Pammy? Are you for Christ or against him (AA)? You can’t have it both ways.

    Jeremiah 7:24: But they hearken not, nor inclined their ear, but walked in the counsels and in the imagination of their evil heart, and went backward and not forward.

    I especially love the way this verse very vividly describes evil imaginations causing people to go backward and not forward. This is exactly what occurs with the use of negative imagination.

    Jeremiah 9:13-14: Because they have forsaken my law which I set before them, and have not obeyed my voice, neither walked therein; But have walked after the imagination of their own heart, and after Baalim, which their fathers taught them:

    Walking in the imagination of our own heart is referring to our carnal heart, which is our evil heart.

    Bill Wilson walked in the “imagination of his own heart” – he was an evil, psychopathic, shape – shifting reptile.

    I don’t compromise, Pammy, when it comes to my LOVING SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST, who died on a cross for mankind’s sin.

    Do you love me, Pammy?

    I saw a T-shirt today that said,
    "I do what the voices in my head tell me to do."

    I laughed.

    And then it occurred to me that if the T-shirt was being worn by a Buchmanite, or a true-believer Alcoholics Anonymous member, that it wasn't a joke.

    MICKY said...
    Rarely have we seen a person fail who followed thoroughly us home. Those who are not BRAINWASHED are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple garbage, usually men and women who are constitutionally capable of thinking for themselves.

    There are such fortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born premature. They are naturally capable of building and developing muscles, which demands rigorous training. Their chances are 6/4 on.

    There are those, too, who are gravediggers and undertakers, but many of them do become ZOMBIES if they have the capacity to be dishonest.

    Our stories disclose in a twisted way, who we like, what happened, and who we hate now. If you have decided you want a cup of tea and are willing to go to any lengths to become emotionally shutdown, SHAPE SHIFTING REPTILES - then you are ready to take certain steps.

    At some of these we balked, we thought we could find someone to 13th Step. And we knew, we could. With all the madness at our command, we beg of you to become BILL WILSON CLONES - from the very start.

    Some of us have tried to hold on to our BIG BOOKS and the result was nil until we let go of our SPONSORS.

    Remember that we deal with alcohol, frothy, bubbly, and powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power that one is the BARMAN. May you find Him now!

    Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the bar. We asked the BARMAN for a couple of stiff VODKA'S. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program to INSANITY:

    1.We admitted we were powerless over Coca - Cola, and decided to drink Pepsi, instead.
    2.Came to believe that Cold Power was a detergent.
    3.Made a decision to turn our heads when we saw an attractive blond.
    4.Did a body search of the new members.
    5.Admitted to our DOG, to elves, and to another super being the exact nature of our songs.
    6.Were entirely ready to have SUPERMAN remove the effects of kryptonite.
    7.Humbly asked CLARK KENT to remove our brains.
    8.Made a list of all persons who owed us money, and became willing to charge them interest.
    9.Made direct hits wherever possible, except when someone moved the target.
    10.Continued to talk crap and when we were wrong, promptly talked more crap.
    11.Sought through our mail and computer to improve our conscious contact with BATMAN, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of ROBIN and the return of SPIDERMAN.
    12.Having had a stroke as the result of these steps, we tried to carry out the garbage, and fell flat on our backs.

    Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain their homes and 13th Step the newcomers, at the same time. We are not psychopaths.

    The point is, that we are willing to become psychotic. The principles we have set down are guides to psychosis. We claim that Bill Wilson was a psychopath.

    Our description of the landscape, the chapter to the Gnostic, and our family photos before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

    (a) That we were ugly and could not manage our own appearance.
    (b) That probably no photographer could have improved our looks.
    (c) That a PLASTIC SURGEON could and would if he were sought.

    kimmyk said...
    Happy Mother's Day!!!
    kimmyk said...
    hope you're well!

    miss you!
    Andrew said...

    I noticed someone visited my site after your, so I thought I'd come take a look around. Thanks...
    PATRICK said...
    2 PETER 2: 1 - 3


    · AAwakenings

    · A Dozen Steps

    · Among the Living (18 comments)

    · A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime.

    · Alcoholic Brain

    · Andrew's Addiction

    · Anonymous Biker

    · Another Door Opens ( 6 comments)


    · Attitude of Gratitude

    · Banana Girl

    · Because I Said So (17 comments)

    · Big Sky mAAck dAAddy

    · Coffee Bitch

    · CreAAtive Intelligence

    · Dr. Jekyll vs Mr. Hyde

    · dry blog

    · Gotta Be Me

    · half-nAAked Thursday

    * Hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe

    * HEATHER of The Amazing Adventure

    * higher powered dAAve

    · I'll never drink again!

    * In God's Hands--Indisincted

    · It's a girl thing

    · Jedi Master

    · Journey to Recovery

    * Kathy Lynn -Gospodi Pomiluj

    * Life on Planet Bill

    · lonestarsteve

    * Lounge Daddy: Chronicles

    * Molly-Recovering Wino

    · My Life in Tampa

    · OneDayOneStep (33 comments)

    * One Sober Alcoholic

    1 Door Away From Heaven part II

    · Outright Mental Defective

    · Postcards

    · rAAnch - a round up of friends ...
    · Recovery Archive

    · Recovery Road

    · Recovery Ruminations

    · Road of Happy Destiny

    * · Scout's Newcomer Daze

    * They Tell Me to Keep Coming Back

    · Simply Anna

    · Sincerely Sober

    · Sober @ Sundown

    · Sober Chick

    · Sobering Thoughts

    · Sober Nuggets

    · Sobriety is Exhausting

    * Stop, Drop, Recover

    * Syd's Just FINE

    · This can't be it (22 comments)

    · The Lady Geek

    · This Unmanageable Life

    · Today

    * TrailBoss

    · Twelvebeads

    · Vicarious Rising

    · You and Me ( 50 comments)

    · What is Your Deepest Fear?
    kimmyk said...
    Hi NWC!
    Long time no hear from. I was just checking in to see how you were and how your babies are doin.

    Hope you're well.

    miss ya.
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