11/06/2008

circles around myself

I keep coming back here. It takes days, months, sometimes a whole year - yet I return, loyally. My life turns and turns and seems to come back to the same point no matter how many times I swear off my return. Maybe I should stop running. I suppose there are things that become a part of you no matter how often you try to shake them loose or shove them deep into the recesses of your mind. I went to a therapist recently because I was angry. It's not that being angry is abnormal but not knowing why you are so pissed off isn't exactly healthy. I suppose I was a little surprised when we started to talk about my childhood and my blood pressure rose; I thought I'd dealt with my demons. Apparently denial is not the same as dealing with something! So, I continue to go but the therapist suggested I start blogging again, it's a release of all the things I can't seem to share any other place.

So I'm here. I uploaded a recent picture of my babies partly to remind me happiness can be simple if you let it be, and partly because looking at them inspires me to be something better than I am. I wish it was easier to remember how to be happy.

I'll be back....sooner than later.

3 Comments:

  1. kimmyk said...
    OMG. YOU'RE BACK!!!!!

    When the page loaded I was like "where am I?" then i had to take a double take and then a third. your kids! omg. so big. and freakin' adorable. just wow. this is like the best seeing you back.

    i'm not sure what is happening in your part of the world, but it must be somethin'. just do what you gotta do. i've missed you that's for sure!
    NML said...
    Wow they've grown so much! Good to hear from you! Yes denial is not the same as dealing with it - I've been there and done that so I certainly empathise. I stopped avoiding, confronted, looked at things through my current eyes, and forgave or laid to rest. I feel a lot better for it and my health improved dramatically. I hope you find your peace, hugs x
    Lori said...
    I am so glad to see you back. I've returned to your page several times, hoping to find you...and even thought I don't really know you, I've thought of you often and been concerned.
    I hope that you can resolve your past, enough, at least to find some kind of peace for the beautiful life that you have today.

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