11/13/2006

careless tears

When I was a little girl I remember seeing my mother cry. I remember feeling helpless. I remember that all I wanted to do, is make her not sad anymore. Over the weekend my husband did something that hurt me and although we never fight in front of Alice, I could not stop the tears from springing from my eyes. I left the room but not quickly enough to keep Alice from seeing her mommy cry. As I sat in the dark in the living room I heard her little feet thumping down the hallway. She came to me, "mommy are you sad?" I tried to explain to her that sometimes, grown ups get sad but she frowned as I spoke the same words my own mother said to me so many years ago. "Do you need a hug mommy?" "I always need hugs Alice." As she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck my heart was breaking all over again. I never wanted her to see me cry. I never wanted to place that burden upon her fragile shoulders just like my mother never wanted to place hers upon mine. But I'm human and as much as I try to be invincible, I am not.

After Alice wiped the tears from my cheeks she smiled and said, "all better mommy." "It is better Alice," I replied. Just like my own mother could not protect me from her sadness, I cannot protect Alice from mine. What I can do is teach her that if you have someone to love you through the tears, sadness doesn't last long.

Today for musical Monday I've chosen a song from one of my favorite artists Amos Lee. It's named 'Careless' and it seemed fitting for today. If you can't hear the music playing in the background click 'Here' to have a listen.

As the holidays draw near, I wish you all a few 'Careless' moments. It's what makes us strong - and human.

9 Comments:

  1. DayByDay4-2Day said...
    Growing up with an alcoholic father I witnessed parents arguing. I thought I would never do that, but having an addict husband I became what I never wanted to.. a parent who argues in fron her children. I can see the damage that it done to them. It's to late for me to change what has been done, but it doesn't mean I have to continue to be that way.
    Gwen said...
    Ugh! You touched that little girl deep inside me. It killed me seeing my mother cry. I never asked her if she needed a hug because noone in my family ever did that! Reid has seen me cry and he is really sweet just like your Alice. She is just so cute. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    G~
    Gwen said...
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    TJ said...
    This post was just heartwrenchingly beautiful--

    I'm just glad that I waited to read this on my home computer and not earlier today when I was in the office--they tend to frown on attorneys getting tears in their eyes at my firm...
    Tab said...
    oh you touched a nerve with this one today Net.Yep.Mommies crying is a sensitive one for most of us..but as Mommies ourselves now,it is best to admit we are indeed human and those tears can bring us relief and strength.You have shown that to Alice given her understanding you needed a hug.Good job Mommy Net!
    Thanks for sharing that touching post.
    kimmyk said...
    I remember hearing my mom cry in the bathroom too many times and thinking the same thoughts as you.

    "My children wont know my pain".

    Unfortunately for me they've seen a tear shed too many times. It's good though really if you think about it-it lets them know we're real.

    I'm sorry something happened in your home that made you sad. Keep you chin up...I hope tomorrow is a better day.
    lash505 said...
    I remember trying to make everyone laugh so the pain would go away.
    CeeCi said...
    What a treasure you have brought into the world, to be that sweet and empathetic at her tender age....wow!

    **Big Hugs**
    ♥ CeeCi
    keda said...
    so sweet.

    i actually think it's good to let our children see that we cry too when someone hurts us.
    though it's hard for us. it's important for children to feel that they are not the only ones who feel sad, angry or frustrated. otherwise it must be hard for them to feel that they are the only ones with difficult emotions if we adults always go around pretending everything and we ourselves are perfect.

    none of us is perfect or has a perfect life.
    chilren need to know that despite all our hard times we can get up and carry on. and that compassion and hugs help!

    it was a great lesson for her in many ways and her sweet kind actions show that she is a thoughtful confident little dear.

    sorry stuff made you cry all the same babe. hugs.

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