A long time ago I never thought about death. It wasn't that I thought I was invincible it was that I was young and when you are young you believe life will go on forever. Young people are not supposed to die. I was woken up today by my phone vibrating from a new e-mail from a journal I signed up for about a little boy named Dax. Dax is two 1/2. Dax is dying. He has incurable leukemia and just days to live. I don't know this little boy, he lives down the street from my mom, but I cried when I read how weak he has become. I wanted to scream at God and honestly the only reason I didn't is because my kids were still asleep. There have been many times in my life when I've questioned God's intentions, his reasoning, his compassion. This little boy is suffering, his parents are suffering - where is the compassion in that? There have been other times I've questioned God's plan like the time when I laid on the floor with a broken heart, in so much pain that I could not lift myself up off the floor. I figured that one out, that broken heart made me stronger, but how can taking a child's life, making him suffer his last days on earth, make anyone stronger?

I'd like some answers. I've been patient through my life waiting for His agenda to work itself out while my own faded into the background. I can't imagine any sort of good coming from losing a child and I don't think I ever want to understand.


  1. Anonymous said...
    A baby cousin died years ago, and whereas you see some families bond more tightly and love more loudly, I have watched my cousin's parents withdraw more, blame others more, and overall, be less and less themselves. This aftermath, stretching for a decade now, is sadder than the baby's relatively quick and painless death. Rather than lose one loved one, we have ultimately lost three. Strength from the death of a child comes from how a family recuperates together. The sadness will always be there because the loss will always be there. But families choose either to deal with the pain of death and continue living, even enjoying, life after death. Sadness becomes fond memories of days past for those who allow themselves to feel happiness again. For others, grieving simply becomes a long-term crutch, and they wallow in the sadness of memories never made. And that's a life sadder than any actual death.

    Life after death isn't just a person's individual concept of Heaven or God or Whatever. Life after death is what we the living make of it.
    Whiskey Belle said...
    I often find comfort in music. There is a song by Natalie Grant called "Held" that addresses this issue. It doesn't explain why this stuff happens, but it explains how we need to trust in God that this is His plan, and how we have to learn to survive the pain. It is an amazingly beautiful song and has brought comfort to me and many of my friends dealing with the death of a young loved one. You should check out the youtube video and lyrics.
    Lori said...
    I have a difficult time believing that a loving God plans for such things. I tend to believe that He cries along with us at the sad things that happen.

    I also believe that through every situation we learn. We may simply learn that we don't like something or want to go through something again. We may learn to reach out to people we love and not take things - or loved ones - for granted. In this life there really are not second chances, but there are new chances. Sometimes we have to wander through the darkness for awhile before we're able to come into the light to see them.

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