Recently someone posted a comment on a post I made back in 2005 "I stayed for me" which made me want to read it again...even though I remembered exactly what it said. As I sat there reading the words about the struggle I went through to find myself after a bad break-up I realized how much I've changed because of those struggles. It seems like a million years back to that person I was before; the person who let a man define her. But even though it seems so long ago I still question how I became that person opposed to this one that I am now? Do we learn it from someone or do we just happen upon it like the lottery except you don't win anything wonderful? I remember watching my mom as a strong career woman where she was respected and even feared yet in her personal life she let men convince her that her worth would only be determined by them. My mom lived as two people, the strong single mom who provided for two kids, became the first woman vice president in her company, and the woman who never believed she controlled her own destiny. Do we consciously teach our kids that they alone determine their fate or do we teach them that everything else except them is responsible for where they end up? Money, education, status....these are what we place so much importance on and we're idiots. Money can't make you a good person, education can teach you how to add two plus two but it can't teach you to have morals. Status can make you appear important - on the outside, but it can't actually make you important to yourself.

Now that I'm a mother I pray my daughter will not have the same heartaches, the same struggles, or the same anguish I had over trying to convince myself my self worth was only determined by me. I know she'll feel the pain of a broken heart but I want to teach her to let it hurt and then let it go...something it took me years to master. I don't want to have to teach her that she's in charge of her own destiny, I want her to know it instinctively.

To that young woman who reminded me why I am who I am right here right now, thank you. Sometimes we forget how hard we struggled to get to the place we are now which also makes us ungrateful for the circumstances that surround us. Circumstances change but what we are worth no matter what moment we are in - does not.


  1. Whiskey Belle said...
    This comment has been removed by the author.
    Whiskey Belle said...
    My first post didn't describe to you exactly what I felt when I read this...relief. I have been struggling with self worth for years now, and am actually working on "me" right now. I love your blogs, and I love hearing how people have gone through the same feelings I have. Thank you for this, and for everything you write. It is beautiful.
    T - Another Geek Girl said...
    I'm constantly trying to re-connect with that girl I used to be. The one who was confident and fun. Trying to show her to my own daughter who reminds me so much of me at her age.

    This made me think of the Joy Luck Club. "It is you who will be found... and cherished."

    So easy to say it. Hard to really believe it.
    Lori said...
    Your writing is always so poignant and thoughtful ... and I believe that you are a wonderful role model for your daughter because you DO know what's important and will share that with both of your children through the years.

    I'm sorry I haven't been here lately. Life has been busy but I'm hoping it's on a more even keel now.

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