2/13/2007

This is love...

For most of my life I've searched for love. There were brief moments when I thought I'd found love, moments that filled me up yet somehow left me emptier than when I started. When I was a child my father would sit by my bedside with his guitar in hand singing Irish ballads to lull me to sleep. I remember thinking, this is love. When my parents divorced and I watched my mom starve herself because of depression I thought, that is love. When I was 14 and my boyfriend told me he'd be with me forever as we laid in the bedroom of his sister's double-wide trailer while he took my virginity, I thought, this is love. The next day when he broke up with me because I was just too young for him, I thought, "Is this love?" When I was twenty-three and I stood before God and recited marriage vows I thought that would make me loved. When I was twenty-eight and I signed a divorce decree dissolving my marriage I thought I didn't deserve love. When I was thirty and I moved to Chicago to be with someone that wanted me, I thought, now he'll love me. When I was thirty-two and the man I'd moved here for broke my heart I realized, it didn't matter if he loved me. When I was thirty-three I decided I didn't need love. When I was thirty-four I met a man who loved me even though I told him not to. When I was thirty-six I brought a child into this world and as they laid her in my arms I discovered that all that came before that moment, were only preparing me for real love. I thought I'd discovered all I needed to know, about love, about myself and then I met my son two short months ago. When I looked into his eyes I saw how simple love has always been. It can take a lifetime to find the definition of love, and a moment to believe in it.

Happy Valentine's Day. I wish you many moments of clarity.

9 Comments:

  1. Lori said...
    It doesn't matter how or when you found love, only that you have and recognize what a gift it truly is.

    I see many love-filled years ahead for you and your family.

    Happy Valentine's Day!
    kimmyk said...
    It's crazy the journey our heart takes us on in search of 'love' isn't it?
    I can't believe your Patrick is 2 months old already. I can only imagine he is keeping you so busy. Are you back to work or are you staying home now? Babies are a gift from GOD I tell ya. I hope that y'all are doing well...I miss reading what's happening in your life, but I understand...a baby is only a baby for a short time. Enjoy your 'day of love'.
    Trudging said...
    Very well said! How is the new guy?
    keda said...
    sigh... lovely.
    ~MsManna~ said...
    Ahhh...love. It is nice to have. I look forward to it! Okay from the new guy, I hope. As God directs it though!
    NML said...
    Jaysus you still have the power to make me weep! I could relate to much of this post and can't wait to welcome our baby. I'm due May 18th btw!
    Lance said...
    Nice post
    WDKY said...
    So... what's been happening then? I suppose you're going to tell me you've had a baby while I've been away...

    ;-)
    Lori said...
    I miss reading your thoughts. I hope all is well with you and your family.

    God bless...

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